Science-Based Ways to Manifest Positivity in Your Life

SCIENCE-BASED WAYS TO MANIFEST POSITIVITY IN YOUR LIFE

Dr. Tchiki Davis October 23, 2020

What is manifestation? The word “manifestation” means to turn an idea into a reality. Usually, we want to manifest things that improve our happiness and well-being (take this well-being quiz to check your current level of well-being). People generally talk about manifestation as the process of using thoughts, feelings, and beliefs to bring something into reality, but given the science behind manifestation, it seems important to also include actions as a key part of the manifestation process.

What Does Manifestation Really Mean?

Manifestation has become popular thanks to books like The Secret and The Law of Attraction. Unfortunately, most psychological scientists will tell you that these books are based on pseudoscience—they claim to be scientific and factual, but they’re not actually based on scientific evidence.

So as a psychological scientist, I can’t, in good conscience, recommend these books. However, I feel like many psychologists throw out the baby with the bathwater when it comes to the idea of “manifestation.” They’ll often say it’s junk science. But I say: Of course we can manifest positive things in our lives—if we couldn’t then what would be the point of therapy, wellness interventions, or any of the tools we use to help people?

So what does the science actually say about manifestation? How can we take a goal or idea we have in our heads and make it real?

What Is the Science Behind Manifestation?

There actually is science behind the idea of manifestation—that is, turning an idea into a real thing. Here are some areas of research and how they lend support to manifestation:

A growth mindset can help you manifest your dreams and reach your goals

Research by Dr. Carol Dweck clearly shows that believing you can do something makes it more likely that you’ll successfully do it. That means that our beliefs about our ability to learn, grow, and succeed—our growth mindset—can indeed affect whether we effectively manifest what we desire.

Importantly, this research suggests that if we truly believe we can achieve something, we are willing to do the hard work to achieve it. This is in contrast to law-of-attraction style manifestation which suggests that belief alone is enough to bring about manifestation. Ultimately, the science suggests that our beliefs bring about behaviors (and responses from others) that lead to the outcomes we desire.

Self-fulfilling prophecies may explain manifestation.

Research shows that our expectations–positive or negative–tend to be confirmed. This is what is known as a self-fulfilling prophecy. So if we expect to bring our idea to life or reach our goal, we’re more likely to.

For example, if you don’t think you can succeed in some goal, let’s say getting your dream job, you’ll set in motion events that will actually make it more likely that you won’t get your dream job. Maybe you’ll be cold or grumpy during a job interview. Maybe you’ll engage in negative self-talk to someone who could help you. Or maybe you’ll just feel upset and not spend the necessary time required to reach your goal. Your beliefs set in motion circumstances that affect your ability to manifest an outcome.

Negativity bias may explain perceptions about manifestation.

Research shows that if we’re already feeling bad, we’re more likely to interpret neutral circumstances in a negative way. It may be that someone with a more positive attitude just pays more attention to the ways in which they have successfully manifested parts of their dreams. Another person with a more negative outlook may experience the exact same things and only see where they failed to manifest what they desired. That’s how bias may affect manifestation.

Upward spirals of positive emotion may explain manifestation success.

Dr. Barbara Fredrickson’s research has also shown that positive emotions enable us to think more creatively. Similarly, Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky has shown that happiness leads to success and not the other way around. People who are generally happy and positive attract more opportunities, have better relationships, and seem to be able to manifest what they set their minds to more easily.

It makes sense when you think about it, right? We prefer to be around positive, optimistic people. And being around people with a negative attitude? It’s off-putting and doesn’t lead us to want to help these people.

How Do We Use Science to Manifest What We Want?

1. Get clear on what you want to manifest.

What do you actually want? Spend some time focusing to get clarity on your manifestation goal. Mindful meditation can be a useful tool for this—it quiets the mind and helps increase self-awareness. Or, you could talk to a friend. Sometimes just talking can help you gain the clarity you need to manifest something.

2. Manifest what matters to you.

When deciding what to manifest, ask yourself a few reflection questions:

  • Will this make me happy and fulfilled?
  • Does it feel right for me? (Or is there something or someone influencing me?)
  • Will this do any harm to myself or others?

By asking yourself these questions you can choose the right things to manifest—things that you will be more likely to believe in, things that you have positive expectations about, and things that make you feel more positive. As a result, you’ll be more likely to manifest them.

3. Visualize your manifestation to generate positive emotions.

Visualizing what you desire can help you feel positive emotions related to it more strongly. And those feelings can help you believe in yourself more. Just close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and imagine a scene from your future life as you desire it. Here’s a future visualization exercise if you need more help.

The post Science-Based Ways to Manifest Positivity in Your Life appeared first on Relationship Development and Transformation.

DR. TCHIKI DAVIS
ABOUT THE AUTHOR  

Tchiki Davis, Ph.D., is a writer, consultant, and expert on well-being technology. She has helped build happiness products, programs, and services that have reached more than a million people worldwide. To learn more about how Tchiki can help you grow your happiness & well-being, visit berkeleywellbeing.com.

Chat Line Categories

Gay Chat Lines

phone-flirt

Chat Line for Men

Singles Chat Lines

Erotic Chat Lines

Black Chat Lines

Latino Chat Lines

The Power of Whole Grains in Cooking

Relationship

THE POWER OF WHOLE GRAINS IN COOKING

Marlene Watson-Tara October 23, 2020

 

Marlene Watson-Tara shares about the ancient wisdom of whole grains. She explains how to cook using whole grains and offers video insight on everything you need to know about the power of whole grains.

Changing your diet always means finding replacements for less healthy options. Our goal is to share healthier and tastier alternatives to whatever you desire. Bill and I discussed what we felt would be most helpful to people around the world to assist them in learning the basics of healthy living. We have therefore put together a series of short videos sharing how easy it is to adopt a whole food, plant-based vegan diet. This is the first video, which covers all you need to know about grains.

Cereal grains have served as the foundation of the human diet for centuries. Taken as a group, the grains can feed more people per acre with semi-perishable food than any other food. The nourishing qualities of eating grain, plus the ability to store grain for long periods of time with little spoilage, have made it the most important single crop in human history. It made it possible for societies to survive through periods of drought or the presence of harmful pests. It was insurance against the bad times.

We Eat With Our Eyes

It’s a proven fact that we eat with our eyes. Our eyes lead the way. Our tongues simply follow. This seems to make sense. Our eyes see the food, they tell our brain what it will taste like via a whole series of learned and natural responses, and we taste what we think we should. Plating and food presentation, therefore, plays a key role in how we experience our food. Not only do we find food more appealing when it is artistically plated, but we absorb more nutrients from it as well. No better way to learn how to plate than from my latest book Go Vegan (available world-wide on Amazon). Every recipe has a stunning photograph for you to replicate. It doesn’t get any easier than that.

Also, it stands to reason that if we absorb more nutrition from foods we find physically appealing, then our minds are likely to absorb more information from literature that we find appealing as well. That was one of the reasons I included the three most important aspects of understanding how to live a long happy healthy life.

Go Vegan

In Go Vegan, you will find morsels of information throughout the book in sidebars. They are identified by three symbols:

The microscope indicates science:

When you see this sign there will be a short note of recent science that confirms the health benefits of a vegan diet. You may be surprised that most of this information has been available for decades. It is heartening that a message that presents such hope and potential to both prevent and manage disease is finally filtering into the mainstream. Veganism is not a fad; it is an important movement towards redefining good nutrition and having an ethical approach to eating.

The tree indicates the environment:

This icon represents the environment. For many people, the shift to vegan eating is driven by environmental concerns. One of the most important aspects of our food choices is the impact that they have on the planet. It is a fact that some of the most critical influences on climate change and species loss are directly related to what we eat. A healthy diet should be sustainable and benefit all life, human and non-human alike.

The spiral is ancient wisdom:

The thoughts and actions you will find under this symbol we call ancient wisdom. We have a tendency to think that ‘modern’ is always best, but this is not always the case. Our collective ancestors prized some traditions that are especially important for living a healthy life. Some of these had to do with food selection or preparation, and some addressed our way of thinking. Remember, there is nothing new under the sun.

In Bill’s latest book How To Eat Right & Save The Planet, you will find a comprehensive discussion of the key factors that should be driving our food choices. This is an absolute must-read for anyone concerned about the environment, suffering of animals and human and non-human health.

We are working hard to raise awareness and reaching out to every corner of the globe to assist all on how they can strengthen their immune system during these times of coronavirus.

The post The Power of Whole Grains in Cooking appeared first on Relationship Development and Transformation.

 

MARLENE WATSON-TARA
ABOUT THE AUTHOR  

Marlene Watson-Tara A long-time vegan, lover of animals, nature and life and passionate about human ecology. As an eternal optimist, increasing the number of people worldwide to switch to a wholefood, plant-based diet and vegan lifestyle is her mission. Together with her husband Bill Tara, they have created The Human Ecology Project.

Partner’s Confession About Coming Out

What to Do When Your Partner Comes Out to You

Laura Silverstein, LCSW

Laura Silverstein, LCSW

 
A confession about gender identity or sexual orientation within a relationship can bring conflicting feelings. What do you do next?

The words from last night’s conversation are circling around in your brain. Your partner came out to you.

Maybe you weren’t 100% surprised, but still, it’s been said out loud and now you’re sitting on the gravity of this information wondering what to do next.

Maybe your brain is playing ping-pong:

You want to support and respect their journey.

But what if this means you aren’t sexually compatible?

You feel honored that your partner was so honest and vulnerable.

But deep down you can’t help feeling betrayed, like a secret has been kept from you and you wonder if anything else has been hidden.

You believe that love is love and support the rights of the LGBTQ community.

But you have never considered yourself a part of this community. What will this mean?

And the questions just keep coming in one after another. Worst of all…

Are we going to split up because of this? 

Some relationships do end after one partner comes out, and some do not.

There are no clear-cut answers to your questions. You and your partner get to co-create the relationship that you want to be in. It’s important not to over-simplify the complexity of human sexuality, gender identity, and orientation.

Luckily relationship experts know how to help couples manage differences. The advice in this article is intended as a tool to provide some structure to help you make sure both your voices are heard and both of your needs are taken into consideration. The advice is based on my 28 years as a couple therapist combined with what we know from The Gottman Institute’s four decades researching over 3,000 couples.

Here are some starting off points to work from.

Step 1: Remember you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do

The two of you are members of the same team. You are going through this together and can make a joint decision about what is best.

Step 2: Ask open-ended questions (even if you’re afraid of the answers)

Before you approach your partner for a conversation, we recommend some self-care. If your heart is beating over 100 beats per minute, you are in a state of fight or flight (also called flooding), and you won’t be able to have a productive conversation. To make sure you’re calm, do whatever works best for you to clear your mind and ground yourself.

Once you and your partner are both ready to talk, start by asking open-ended questions and listening deeply to the answers. Human beings are happier in relationships when they feel known. It is one of the seven principles that lead to relationship stability, which is the crucial skill of “building love maps.”

As you ask your questions, be a non-judgemental listening ear. Let them tell their story in their own words. Ask clarifying questions if you need to, but not challenging ones.

For example, instead of:

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

Try something like:

“What kinds of things have you been thinking about?”

“What else would you like me to understand?”

“How can I support you right now?”

Don’t be afraid to ask any questions that are coming up for you. Some people worry that asking questions is intrusive. On the contrary, showing kind curiosity is a way to express interest and support to the person you love. It is more likely to lead to feeling closer and better understood.

You might have questions about the words to use to talk about this, or you might ask for definitions of terms that are new to you. Remember that your partner is not speaking for an entire community. They are simply sharing what they think and believe.

As your partner speaks their truth, you are being invited into a sacred part of their world and identity. It is a brave thing for them to share, and it’s brave of you to be open to listening.

You might hear things that are dramatically different than you thought they were. This doesn’t mean that your partner is changing. It means that they trust you enough to share who they are with more depth and update their love maps.

Step 3: Be honest with yourself and your partner 

Follow up by reflecting on what you are hearing. This is how they’ll know that you care enough to deeply understand them.

As you listen to the answers to your questions, fears and doubts might rear their heads. You might wonder if you need to change the essence of who you are or the kind of relationship you want to be in.

Try not to let that fear block you from speaking your own truth. Even though you don’t want to lose the person you love, neither do you want to convince yourself you should feel or believe something that is not true for you.

The first step is for each of you to simply talk honestly about it. We know from the Gottmans’ research that compromise works when both people are able to be clear about the areas where they are flexible and the areas that are core needs.

Step 4: Take your time

You don’t have to make any decisions right away. These issues are complex and will take time to integrate and to educate yourselves.

All the great aspects of your relationship haven’t gone anywhere. You’ve got some hard work to do, so in the meantime, try to keep having fun together. Go to your favorite places, enjoy your favorite dates, and let life go on simultaneously.

One more take-home message

Keep your eye on the prize. Imagine having deeper clarity about your own sexuality as well as your partner’s.

Instead of feeling like you have to do something you don’t want to do, or your partner having to extinguish an important part of who they are, in time, you can make a mutual decision that will allow both of you to be the entirety of who you are.

Do the work, be brave, speak your truth, and listen to your partner’s truth.

The post What to Do When Your Partner Comes Out to You appeared first on The Gottman Institute.

Chat Line Categories

Gay Chat Lines

phone-flirt

Chat Line for Men

Singles Chat Lines

Erotic Chat Lines

Black Chat Lines

Latino Chat Lines

Myths about Lust and Love and your Sex Life

The Top Myths about Lust and Love and How They can Ruin Your Sex Life (Part Two)

Cheryl Fraser, Ph.D

Cheryl Fraser, Ph.D

 
In this article, Dr. Cheryl Fraser continues to debunk love life ideas that you’ve got to be in the mood and that great love “just happens.”
 

Hello, fellow human, let me ask you something. How often are you having sex these days? And how does it compare to the sex you had when you fell in love?

If you are in a committed relationship, your sexual desire is almost certainly lower than it used to be. Heck, I remember when I was dating my now husband, we had sex twice a day. We even set the alarm for 5:30 am so we could have a quickie before he left for work.  And that was only six years ago. Today, like other real couples in real relationships, if you don’t make sexual life intentional, you might go a month without making love.

Really.

Who can relate?

As you read in my last article, if your sexual desire has waned, You Are Normal. There are a lot of myths about this touchy topic—the topic of not getting touched. Let’s demystify a few more.

For myths, the first two myths, read part one.

Myth #3:  I should only initiate sex when I’m in the mood

Terry*, a student in my online Become Passion immersion program put it this way: “When my sweetheart initiates, I eventually get into it. But why don’t I ever think to start sex? It’s like it’s never on my mind…”

Terry is treating his sexual life like an old car. Here’s what I mean. Recently, I purchased a little red Miata. When I gently caress the gas pedal, I love the feeling of immediate response. My sports car is like a great lover: it is thrilling, it is fun, and it feels good. But as time goes on and my new toy gets a few scratches, the novelty wears off. I start to take my ride for granted. It sits in the garage, and unless I think about it, grab the key, and go turn on the engine, we won’t be hugging any curves together. My spontaneous desire to drive my Miata has gone way down.

Hang on, Cheryl, what do lust and sports cars have in common? I’m glad you asked. Let me teach you about what I call the two keys to your erotic engine: desire and arousal.

Desire is the mental aspect of sexual motivation. For example, you might create a fantasy and imagine touching your sweetheart or making love, or you might decide it would be nice to carve out an hour so you can connect erotically. These thoughts motivate you toward your partner.

Arousal is the physical aspect of being turned on (e.g., lubrication, engorgement, yummy tingles, perky nipples). It’s  the physical motivation to begin sexual connection.

“Now here is the cool thing,” I tell Terry, and all the other couples in my program.  “Either key, the desire key or the arousal key, can start your erotic engine.” Since Terry does not easily experience much spontaneous physical arousal, I coach him to cultivate the mental desire key and use his head to get into bed. He feels empowered by this knowledge, and for the first time in years, he begins to initiate lovemaking even when he is not in the mood. Here’s how he does it.

He tells me, “When Erin wants to make love in the evening, I am not into it at all. I’m thinking about work and distracted by chores and… just really not present.” So I help him plan for passion. He decides that he will take a long steam shower after work, relaxing his muscles and slowing his busy mind. Then, he imagines how nice it will be to lay down with Erin and entwine naked bodies. “I still may not be actually horny at this point, but I am at least mentally interested in the idea of being sexual, you know?”

I do know. As sex educator Emily Nagoski says, desire is curiosity.  Terry is deliberately choosing to think about sexuality instead of waiting around for a great sex life to find him. He learns that sex is not a drive, but that his inherent sensuality is like a beautiful vehicle sitting in the garage gathering dust. And he had the keys.

Not in the mood? Don’t let that stop you from taking a spin with the wind in your hair, because great sex is all in your head.

Myth #4: Great love and passion should occur naturally

Remember Jose and Talisha, the couple in a sexless marriage from my last article? As they work with me through my Become Passion program I have them and all the couples create what I call a Passion Plan. 

Why?

Because great couples make their love life a hobby. They choose to make passion a priority. They invest time in their relationship, they set goals, and they stop taking their love life for granted. By the end of my program Jose and Talisha have each created some daily, weekly, monthly, and annual Passion goals. For example, they commit to kissing goodnight with tongue. Talisha vows to schedule a fun date out of the house, no kids every Sunday. Jose commits to learning more about tantric lovemaking and says he will bring some new moves to bed. They agree that once every year they will take a romantic vacation to somewhere with sun and sand. Their goals are specific and they pledge to keep each other accountable. I am there to help make sure they do.

I think each of us should ask ourselves: how hard am I trying to create a fantastic relationship? Because great love and passion are not an accident.

Exceptional couples are just like you except they learn the keys to relationship success and then they use them. So let’s all commit to keeping our motors running—one gesture, one hug, one touch at a time.

*All names changed for confidentiality.

Dr. Cheryl teaches her free Passion class in October. Register here! In this class she teaches the three keys to passion and introduces her upcoming Become Passion online couples program, mentioned above, which begins November 1st.

The post The Top Myths about Lust and Love and How They can Ruin Your Sex Life (Part Two) appeared first on The Gottman Institute.

Chat Line Categories

Gay Chat Lines

phone-flirt

Chat Line for Men

Singles Chat Lines

Erotic Chat Lines

Black Chat Lines

Latino Chat Lines