INTROVERTS AND EXTROVERTS: BREAKING THE MYTH

We generally think of extroverts as people who are outgoing, confident, loud, and sometimes over-bearing; and introverts as quiet people who lack confidence and are anti-social. When we’re trying to figure out if someone is an extrovert or introvert, we tend to judge them against these criteria, and whilst some individuals seem to match these stereotypes perfectly, most fit neither box exclusively.

That’s probably because we’re using the incorrect yardstick. Carl Jung, well-known psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, was the first to create the concept of extroversion and introversion in the early 1900’s. He defined these traits based on our energy source to recharge. Introverts recharge through being alone, whilst extroverts gain energy from other people and through social interactions. Jung said, “Each person seems to be energized more by either the external world (extroversion) or the internal world (introversion).” Our brains are wired differently, and therefore, react differently to stimulation. Extroverts have a lower basic rate of arousal, so they need more stimulus than introverts, who are more sensitive to external stimulus and therefore can find the same level overwhelming and draining.

Myths surrounding introverts and extroverts:

1. Myth: Introverts are shy. Fact: The word “shy” relates to someone who has a fear of people rejecting or judging them. There are shy extroverts and shy introverts. Shy extroverts love being around people, get their energy from them but are too scared to come out of their shell. They don’t like public speaking and they don’t like the attention being focused on them. Introverts may be quiet, not because they’re shy but because they’re over-stimulated.

2. Myth: Introverts have low self-esteem. Fact: They are confident individuals, and tend to have a quiet fortitude.

3. Myth: Introverts are anti-social. Fact: Introverts don’t like attention and they tend to be reserved; however, they enjoy being with people – just on a more limited and smaller scale because spending long periods of time with people tends to drain them. They prefer one on one conversations and have fewer friends with deep bonds.

4. Myth: Introverts are too serious. Fact: Introverts are good listeners and like to think before they speak and before making decisions.

5. Myth: Introverts have no opinion and nothing to say. Fact: Given the opportunity, introverts quietly and forthrightly put their points of view across. Introverts can have very strong views. There is a difference between being assertive and aggressive, the latter introverts are not.

6. Myth: Introverts don’t like working in groups. Fact: Introverts work better in small groups, and don’t like to push to be heard. They like working in quiet spaces as they find it less draining and more productive.

7. Myth: Extroverts are attention-seeking and shallow. Fact: Extroverts, when left on their own for too long, feel bored, restless and lonely. They enjoy large groups, and are happy to interact with friends and strangers alike.

8. Myth: Extroverts are pushy. Fact: Extroverts need to talk to work through their ideas in their head.

9. Myth: Extroverts are bad listeners. Fact: They get their energy from being talkative, but they can develop a good rapport with people quickly and easily, and can be very good listeners because they ask a lot of open-ended questions.

10. Myth: Extroverts don’t need alone time. Fact: They do, but in smaller doses. All of us can feel burnt out with too much interaction and being on the go constantly.

The biggest myth of all is that you are either one or the other. Carl Jung also said, “There is no such thing as a pure introvert or extrovert. Such a person would be in the lunatic asylum.” Think of it more as a spectrum with extroversion sitting on one end and introversion on the other, and most of us sitting somewhere in between, perhaps leaning more towards one than the other. Many of us can actually relate to being an ambivert, which is defined as someone who is balanced between introvert and extrovert tendencies.

Have you ever noticed how you can be more introverted around some people and more extroverted around others, depending on their energy in relation to your own? Sometimes people can sap your energy and be too dominating, resulting in you becoming more withdrawn; and other times people can draw you out, where you are open and chatty and feel energized from spending time with them.

The next time you’re in a meeting or in a social group, take a little time to observe each person’s communication style. Who appears open and friendly? Who seems more quiet and reserved? How do you fit into the mix? And what are the factors motivating these behaviors?

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