Dating a Younger Man? Things to Consider When Dating Across Generations

Dating a Younger Man? Things to Consider When Dating Across Generations

Did you know that statistics show a growing preference among older women for dating a younger men? With women aging gracefully and living longer than men on average, it’s no wonder they are exploring relationships outside their age bracket.

Introduction

Dating has evolved over the years, and age gaps in relationships have become more common and accepted. In today’s society, it is not uncommon to see older women dating younger men. While age should never be a barrier to love, there are some important factors to consider when dating a younger man. In this blog, we will explore four essential things to keep in mind if you find yourself attracted to a younger partner. Furthermore, we’ll touch upon the significance of chat lines as an excellent source to connect with younger men who might be interested in dating older women.

Common Interests and Goals

When entering any relationship, regardless of age differences, it is crucial to assess whether you and your potential partner share common interests and life goals. The age gap may bring different experiences and perspectives, but a strong foundation can be built on shared hobbies, passions, and aspirations. Take the time to get to know your partner’s interests and ensure that they align with yours. This mutual connection will not only help you bond but also make the relationship more fulfilling and lasting.

Effective Communication

Communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship, and it becomes even more critical when there’s an age gap. Both partners must be open and honest about their feelings, expectations, and concerns. Ensure that you create a safe space for open dialogue, where both of you can express yourselves freely without judgment. Effective communication will help bridge any generational gap and foster a deeper understanding of each other’s needs and desires.

Building Trust

Trust is essential in any relationship, but it can be especially crucial when dating a younger man. Older women may worry about the intentions of their younger partners or fear being judged by society. On the other hand, younger men might feel insecure about the age difference and societal expectations. It’s essential to be patient and reassure each other about your commitment and the authenticity of your feelings. Trust is a gradual process that requires consistent effort and support from both partners.

Dealing with External Opinions

In relationships with significant age gaps, you may encounter skepticism or disapproval from friends, family, or society. It’s important to remember that love knows no age, and what truly matters is your happiness and compatibility as a couple. While it’s natural to seek acceptance from loved ones, it’s equally important to stand firm in your decision if you believe in your relationship. Surround yourself with supportive individuals who respect your choices and offer encouragement.

Chat Lines as a Good Source to Find Younger Men

If you’re interested in dating a younger man, chat lines can be a valuable resource to connect with potential partners. Chat lines provide a safe and discreet platform for individuals to meet and explore their interests. They offer a comfortable space for genuine conversations and allow you to filter potential matches based on your preferences, interests, and age range.

Conclusion

Dating a younger man can be a rewarding experience if approached with an open mind and an understanding of the unique dynamics it may bring. Remember to focus on shared interests, communicate openly, build trust, and be resilient against external opinions. By doing so, age will simply become a number, and you can enjoy a fulfilling and loving relationship with your younger partner.

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13 Signs It’s Time To Walk Away From A Relationship That No Longer Serves You

13 Signs It’s Time To Walk Away From A Relationship That No Longer Serves You

Introduction

Relationships play a vital role in our lives; however, at times, they can turn toxic or unfulfilling. Identifying the right moment to walk away becomes crucial for personal growth and the pursuit of healthier connections. In this blog post, we’ll delve into 13 clear signs that indicate it might be time to let go of a relationship that no longer serves your well-being.

  1. Constant Negativity

To start with, if your relationship is marred by constant negativity, criticism, and put-downs, it can significantly impact your self-esteem and overall mental well-being. After all, healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect, support, and encouragement.

  1. Lack of Communication

One of the pillars of a successful relationship is open and honest communication. However, when that starts to break down, and your partner becomes distant or unresponsive, it may be a clear sign that the relationship no longer fulfills your emotional needs.

  1. Different Life Goals

A key ingredient in a lasting partnership is sharing similar life goals and visions for the future. If you find your aspirations diverging significantly from your partner’s, it could lead to frustration and disappointment down the road.

  1. Loss of Trust

Trust serves as the bedrock of a healthy relationship. When trust has been repeatedly broken, and efforts to rebuild it have been in vain, it’s time to consider whether staying in the relationship aligns with your best interests.

  1. Feeling Drained and Exhausted

When a relationship leaves you feeling emotionally drained and exhausted instead of uplifted and supported, it’s a sign that it’s no longer serving your well-being.

  1. Emotional or Physical Abuse

Under no circumstances should any form of emotional, verbal, or physical abuse be tolerated in a relationship. If you find yourself in an abusive situation, prioritizing your safety and well-being is crucial by seeking help and walking away from the toxic relationship.

  1. Lack of Personal Growth

Healthy relationships encourage personal growth and development. If you feel stuck or stagnant, unable to pursue your passions and interests, the relationship might be holding you back from realizing your full potential.

  1. Constant Power Struggles

A relationship characterized by constant power struggles, with both partners unwilling to compromise or show understanding, can be emotionally draining and harmful.

  1. Disrespectful Behavior

Respect lays the foundation for a successful relationship. If your partner consistently exhibits disrespectful behavior towards you or others, it can erode the love and trust in the relationship.

  1. Feeling Alone in the Relationship

Experiencing emotional disconnection and a sense of loneliness in a relationship may indicate a significant weakening of the bond.

  1. Different Values and Beliefs

Fundamental differences in values and beliefs can lead to conflicts and hinder the growth of a relationship. If compromises cannot be made, it may be time to reassess the relationship’s future.

  1. Lack of Effort to Resolve Issues

Every relationship experiences ups and downs, but if your partner consistently avoids addressing problems or making an effort to resolve conflicts, it could signal their diminishing investment in the relationship.

  1. Gut Feeling That It’s Over

Intuition can be a powerful indicator. If you have a persistent feeling that the relationship is over, it’s essential to trust yourself and honestly evaluate your emotions and needs.

Conclusion

As we conclude, remember that recognizing the signs that it’s time to walk away from a relationship is essential for your well-being and personal growth. It may be challenging, but ending a toxic or unfulfilling relationship opens up opportunities for healthier connections and a happier life. Prioritize self-care and surround yourself with people who support and uplift you. Trust that by letting go, you are making space for better and more fulfilling relationships in the future.

If you’re unsure about your situation, don’t hesitate to chat with friends, family, or a professional counselor. Their guidance can provide valuable insights and help you navigate this crucial decision. Remember, you deserve to be in a relationship that nurtures and empowers you to become the best version of yourself.

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Is He Relationship Material? 3 Simple Questions to Ask Your Guy

Is He Relationship Material? 3 Simple Questions to Ask Your Guy

When it comes to finding a partner, it’s important to evaluate whether the person you’re dating is truly relationship material. Assessing compatibility and shared values early on can save you from heartache down the line. To help you determine if your guy has what it takes to be in a committed relationship, here are three simple questions you should ask him. By considering these questions, you can gain valuable insights into his character and the potential for a long-term partnership.

  1. Does He Share Your Core Values?

Shared values are the foundation of any successful relationship. While it’s natural to have some differences, it’s crucial to identify and discuss the core values that are most important to you. These values can include things like honesty, loyalty, family, ambition, or spirituality. Take the time to understand if your guy’s values align with yours. Engage in open and honest conversations about what matters most to both of you. Look for signs that he not only understands your values but also respects and embraces them. This alignment will create a solid base for a lasting and fulfilling relationship.

  1. Does He Demonstrate Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is another essential trait to consider when evaluating whether your guy is relationship material. A partner with high emotional intelligence is empathetic, understanding, and capable of effectively communicating his feelings. Notice how he responds to difficult situations, conflicts, or challenges. Does he show empathy and try to see things from your perspective? Is he open to discussing emotions and resolving conflicts in a healthy and respectful manner? Emotional intelligence plays a vital role in building trust and deepening emotional connection, making it an important quality to assess in your potential partner.

  1. Does He Support Your Personal Growth?

A healthy relationship should empower and support personal growth for both partners. Ask yourself whether your guy encourages your dreams, goals, and aspirations. Does he actively listen to your ideas and provide constructive feedback? A supportive partner will be there to cheer you on, help you overcome obstacles, and celebrate your achievements. On the other hand, someone who is not relationship material may feel threatened by your growth or try to hold you back. Pay attention to his attitude towards your personal development and whether he is willing to grow alongside you. Remember, a strong partnership is built on mutual support and encouragement.

Conclusion

Finding a partner who is truly relationship material is crucial for a happy and fulfilling long-term commitment. By asking yourself these three simple questions and engaging in open and honest conversations with your guy, you can gain valuable insights into his compatibility and potential for a lasting relationship. Remember to assess whether he shares your core values, demonstrates emotional intelligence, and supports your personal growth. By evaluating these aspects, you can make an informed decision about whether he is the right person to embark on a meaningful journey with. Trust your instincts, be patient, and remember that a strong foundation is key to a successful relationship.

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How to Overcome Fear of Intimacy in Relationships

Overcoming Fear of Intimacy in Relationships

Introduction

Overcoming the fear of intimacy in relationships can be a challenging process. However, with patience, self-reflection, and practice, it is possible to make progress. In this article, we will explore effective strategies to overcome the fear of intimacy and provide real-life examples of individuals who have successfully conquered their fears.

Acknowledge and Understand Your Fear

To begin, it is essential to acknowledge and understand your fear of intimacy. By recognizing this fear, you can take the necessary steps to address it. Understanding that it is normal to feel this way and acknowledging the potential for vulnerability and the rewards it can bring are crucial.

Identify the Root Causes

Next, it is important to identify the root causes of your fear of intimacy. By delving into the underlying reasons for your fear, you can gain valuable insights into your patterns. This exploration may involve reflecting on past experiences, childhood upbringing, or other contributing factors.

Seek Professional Help if Needed

If you find that your fear of intimacy is deeply rooted and impacting your well-being or relationships, it is highly recommended to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor who specializes in relationship issues can provide the necessary guidance, support, and a safe environment to navigate your fears.

Practice Self-Compassion

As you embark on your journey to overcome the fear of intimacy, it is crucial to practice self-compassion. Be kind and patient with yourself, recognizing that overcoming fears takes time and effort. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a friend facing a similar challenge.

Challenge Your Beliefs and Assumptions

Take the time to examine your beliefs and assumptions about intimacy and relationships. It is essential to question and challenge these beliefs to develop healthier perspectives and attitudes towards intimacy. By doing so, you can cultivate a more positive mindset that supports your journey towards overcoming the fear.

Take Small Steps Outside Your Comfort Zone

To gradually overcome your fear of intimacy, it is helpful to take small steps outside your comfort zone. This could involve initiating open and honest conversations with a trusted friend, joining a support group, or engaging in activities that encourage emotional vulnerability. Taking these steps will allow you to build confidence and reduce your fear over time.

Communicate Openly with Your Partner

If you are in a relationship, open and honest communication with your partner is crucial. Share your fears and concerns, as this can foster trust and create a supportive environment for both of you. Effective communication strengthens the foundation of your relationship and helps address any barriers to intimacy.

Build Trust Gradually

Building trust is a vital component of intimacy. Take the time to build trust with your partner gradually. This can be achieved by sharing information gradually, setting boundaries, and observing how your partner responds to your vulnerability. Building trust incrementally allows both parties to feel safe and secure in the relationship.

Work on Self-Esteem and Self-Worth

Low self-esteem can contribute to a fear of intimacy. To address this, focus on building your self-esteem and self-worth. Engage in activities that boost your self-confidence, practice self-care, and surround yourself with positive and supportive individuals. As your self-esteem improves, you will become more comfortable with vulnerability and intimacy.

Be Patient and Persistent

Overcoming the fear of intimacy is a journey that requires patience and persistence. Understand that progress takes time and setbacks are normal along the way. Celebrate even the smallest steps forward and keep moving forward with determination and self-compassion.

Examples of Successful Strategies

  1. Therapy and counseling: Seeking professional guidance to explore the root causes of fear and develop coping strategies.
  2. Gradual exposure and practice: Taking small steps outside the comfort zone, such as engaging in open conversations or participating in activities involving vulnerability.
  3. Building self-esteem and self-worth: Engaging in activities that boost self-confidence, practicing self-care, and surrounding oneself with supportive individuals.
  4. Mindfulness and self-reflection: Cultivating mindfulness to become aware of fears and challenging irrational beliefs.
  5. Support groups: Joining communities of individuals with similar fears to share experiences and gain support.

Conclusion

Overcoming the fear of intimacy in relationships is possible with the right strategies and a commitment to personal growth. By acknowledging the fear, seeking support, taking gradual steps outside the comfort zone, and practicing self-compassion, individuals can develop healthier perspectives on intimacy and experience more fulfilling relationships. Remember, each person’s journey is unique, and seeking professional help can provide valuable gu

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10 Ways to Rekindle the Passion in Your Marriage

 

Reigniting the Flame: 7 Ways to Rekindle Passion in Your Marriage

Marriage is a beautiful journey that comes with its fair share of ups and downs. Over time, the spark and passion that once defined your relationship can dim, leaving you longing for the days of fiery romance. But fear not, as there are numerous ways to rekindle passion and breathe new life into your marriage. In this blog post, we will explore seven effective strategies that can help you reignite the flame and rediscover the deep connection and intimacy that you and your partner deserve.

Prioritize Communication

Open and honest communication lies at the heart of any successful relationship. Set aside time each day to talk and actively listen to your spouse. Engage in meaningful conversations about your dreams, desires, and aspirations. Discuss your fears and challenges. By fostering a safe and supportive environment, you can strengthen your emotional bond and enhance intimacy, reigniting the passion in your marriage.

Embrace Novelty

Routine can dampen the excitement in any relationship. Injecting novelty into your marriage can work wonders for rekindling passion. Try new activities together, explore unfamiliar places, or embark on adventures that excite both of you. Engaging in novel experiences stimulates the release of dopamine in the brain, which can reignite the spark and make you feel more connected to your partner.

Prioritize Quality Time

Amidst the demands of work, family, and other responsibilities, it’s crucial to carve out dedicated quality time for your spouse. Plan regular date nights or weekend getaways to rekindle the romance. Turn off distractions and focus solely on each other. Engaging in shared experiences and creating lasting memories can reignite the passion and deepen your emotional connection.

Rediscover Physical Intimacy

Physical intimacy is a vital aspect of a passionate marriage. However, it often takes a backseat as the years go by. Reignite the flame by rekindling physical affection in your relationship. Small gestures such as holding hands, cuddling, or surprising your partner with a passionate kiss can work wonders. Be open to exploring new levels of intimacy and communicate your desires and fantasies with your spouse, creating a space of trust and vulnerability.

Cultivate Individual Passions

Maintaining a sense of individuality is essential for a healthy and passionate marriage. Encourage each other to pursue hobbies and interests that bring joy and fulfillment. By fostering personal growth, you become more interesting to your partner, thus reigniting the spark of attraction. Celebrate each other’s achievements and support one another’s passions, enhancing the overall vitality of your relationship.

Show Appreciation

Expressing gratitude and appreciation can go a long way in reviving passion in your marriage. Take the time to acknowledge and celebrate your partner’s qualities, both big and small. Share compliments, write love notes, or simply say “thank you.” Feeling valued and appreciated creates a positive cycle of affection and reinforces the emotional bond between you and your spouse.

Seek Professional Help

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, rekindling passion may feel challenging. In such cases, seeking the guidance of a couples therapist or counselor can be tremendously beneficial. Professional help provides a neutral space for both partners to explore their feelings, fears, and desires. A skilled therapist can offer valuable insights, tools, and exercises to reignite passion and help you navigate the complexities of your relationship.

Conclusion

Passion in a marriage is not a fleeting emotion but rather a flame that needs to be nurtured and rekindled. By prioritizing communication, embracing novelty, investing quality time, rediscovering physical intimacy, cultivating individual passions, showing appreciation, and seeking professional help when needed, you can revive the spark in your marriage. Remember, rekindling passion is an ongoing process that requires effort, commitment, and love from both partners. Embrace the journey, and watch as your marriage becomes a vibrant tapestry of passion and love once more.

For those seeking additional support and guidance in their marriage, there are resources available, including free chat lines, that offer a platform for open communication and professional advice. These chat lines can provide a confidential space for couples to discuss their challenges and receive guidance from trained experts. Incorporating such resources into your journey of reigniting passion may offer additional insights and strategies to enhance your relationship. A good sexual relationship is built on emotional intimacy and closeness.

 

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7 Biggest First Date Mistakes That Turn Men OFF

7 Biggest First Date Mistakes That Turn Men OFF

First dates can be nerve-wracking, but they also present an exciting opportunity to connect with someone new. While each date is unique, common mistakes can hinder the potential for a great first impression. Today, we will discuss seven of the biggest mistakes to avoid on a first date and provide guidance on navigating them successfully.

Dating Mistake #1:  Trying to control him with your masculine energy

Masculine and feminine energies are essential for both men and women. However, if you’re looking for a more masculine partner, embracing your feminine energy on a date is essential. Instead of dismissing his date idea immediately, go with the flow and allow him to impress you. Remember, you are the qualifier, and being receptive to his efforts can lead to pleasant surprises.

Dating Mistake #2: Acting disinterested in him

Showing a genuine interest in your date is crucial. Avoid giving off a cold or disinterested vibe. Engage in active listening and ask thoughtful, open-ended questions to encourage him to share about himself. Demonstrating curiosity and interest can create a positive atmosphere and encourage him to reciprocate.

Dating Mistake #3: Lacking interesting stories to share

While you don’t need the most extraordinary life to attract a great relationship, but having a few intriguing stories or unique hobbies can make you stand out from the crowd. Before the date, think about what makes you exciting and authentic. Consider your hobbies, experiences, or recent events that you can share. It’s okay to sell yourself a little by showcasing your strengths and passions.

Dating Mistake #4: Detaching yourself from the date

Being present and actively participating in the date is essential. Avoid distractions like texting or thinking about other things. Be engaged in the conversation and demonstrate your interest in getting to know him. Whether it’s trying out a new activity or enjoying a meal, show enthusiasm and communicate that you genuinely want to be there.

Dating Mistake #5: Treating it like an interview

First dates are meant to be enjoyable, not like job interviews. Release the pressure and allow yourself to have fun. Laugh, enjoy the experience, and be playful. Find the aspects of dating that you love and focus on them. Flirting and teasing can create a lighthearted atmosphere and foster a connection.

Dating Mistake #6: Not allowing him to pay for the check

When your date offers to pay the bill, graciously accept. Allowing him to take care of the bill is a way to embrace his masculine energy and demonstrate your appreciation. It helps build a connection and allows both partners to fulfill their respective roles comfortably.

Dating Mistake #7: Not making it clear you had a great time

If you genuinely enjoyed the date, don’t hesitate to express it. Be kind, genuine, and thank him for the lovely time. Showing appreciation and indicating your interest is endearing and can lead to a positive impression.

In conclusion, first dates can be both exciting and nerve-wracking. Avoiding these common mistakes can increase your chances of making a great first impression and establishing a meaningful connection. Remember to embrace your feminine energy, show genuine interest, be authentic, stay present, have fun, and communicate your enjoyment of the date.

The post 7 Biggest First Date Mistakes That Turn Men OFF appeared first on Love Strategies.

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7 Signs He’s Micro Cheating (Hint: It’s Still CHEATING)

7 Signs He’s Micro Cheating (Hint: It’s Still CHEATING)

When we think of cheating, we often picture someone having sex with another person behind their partner’s back. However, the concept of infidelity is more nuanced than that, and micro-cheating is an example of this.

Micro-cheating is the term used to describe the small things people say and do when their partner isn’t around that dance on the knife-edge of inappropriate or just straight-up infidelity. While these actions may never physically cross a line, they still jeopardize the trust and integrity of a relationship. The problem with micro-cheating is that there are often no obvious clues that indicate your partner is being unfaithful.

According to a 2015 poll by YouGov, one in five Americans admit to being unfaithful to their partner in a relationship, while 41% of men and 28% of women have considered cheating. Another study published in the Journal of Sexual and Marital Therapy found that there are many conflicting definitions of infidelity.

Examples of micro-cheating include sliding into someone’s DMs, deleting messages with someone in case your partner sees them, and grabbing drinks with an ex but lying to your partner because you know they wouldn’t like it. These actions, though seemingly harmless, can be warning signs that your partner is hiding something from you.

Here are some common behaviors that could suggest your partner has something to hide:

#1. He always has his phone and goes to great lengths to keep you away from it.

#2. He won’t share any of his passwords with you.

#3. He’s always liking and commenting on other women’s social media posts.

#4. You have issues in your sex life.

#5. It feels like he has checked out of the relationship.

#6. He often talks about being with other women.

#7. He withdraws from you for extended periods.

If you notice any of these signs, it’s time to sit down and have an open conversation with your partner about what boundaries are appropriate in your relationship and what are not. It’s important to establish trust, honesty, and communication in a relationship to avoid any potential problems in the future.

The post 7 Signs He’s MicroCheating (Hint: It’s Still CHEATING) appeared first on Love Strategies.

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8 Steps to Getting Over Your Ex And Living Your Life Again

8 Steps to Getting Over Your Ex And Living Your Life Again

If you’re wondering how to deal with a breakup and getting over your ex, I want you to know you are not alone, and we’ve all been there.

But rather than trying to win your ex back, I want you to focus on winning yourself back today. Here’s how to get over your ex and live your magnificent life again.

#1. Cut All Contact with Your Ex

Research shows that staying friends with an ex can lead to depression, jealousy, heartbreak, and difficulty finding a new romantic partner. Unless there are fundamental reasons for contact, it’s best to cut all ties. Give yourself the gift of closure by removing them from your phone contacts and blocking them on social media.

#2. Process Your Emotions

Allow yourself to feel the range of emotions associated with a breakup, including acceptance, shock, grief, pain, and sadness. While it’s important to acknowledge and process these emotions, don’t let them consume you. Also, focus on the positive aspects of your healing journey, such as independence, growth, wisdom, and opportunity.

#3. Consider Working with a Therapist or Coach

Seeking professional guidance can provide valuable insight and support during this challenging time. Therapists can help you delve into your past to understand yourself better, while coaches offer strategic guidance for moving forward and taking action. Both avenues can be beneficial, and having both a therapist and a coach can be the best option.

#4. Make Peace with the Past

Let go of the past and forgive your ex for your own sake. Clear out physical reminders of the relationship and consider redecorating your home to create a new environment. Avoid stalking your ex on social media, as it hinders the healing process and prevents personal growth.

#5. Treat Yourself with Kindness

Focus on self-care by eating well, exercising, and practicing positive self-talk. Prioritize quality sleep, indulge in relaxing activities, meditate, unplug from technology, and engage in activities that bring you joy. Treating yourself kindly and compassionately is crucial during this healing process.

#6. Pour Your Energy into Something Else

Rediscover and embrace the aspects of yourself that may have been neglected during the relationship. Focus on your career, friendships, hobbies, or side hustles. You will regain confidence and rebuild your self-worth by directing your energy toward personal growth and accomplishments.

#7. Plan Fun and Exciting Activities

Schedule enjoyable activities each week to have something to look forward to. Engage in new, interesting, challenging, and exciting experiences that expand your sense of self. This will help combat feeling out of control and enhance your overall well-being.

#8. Surround Yourself with Positive People

Choose to spend time with positive, uplifting individuals who can support and inspire you. Reconnect with loved ones and avoid isolating yourself. Building a supportive community will provide the encouragement and positivity you need during this healing process.

Remember, healing from heartbreak takes time, but with these strategies, you can reclaim your power and move forward with confidence. Throughout this journey, know that you are not alone, and I’m here to support you every step of the way.

The post 8 Steps to Getting Over Your Ex And Living Your Life Again appeared first on Love Strategies.

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How to Be Kind When You’re Upset With Your Partner

How to Be Kind When You’re Upset With Your Partner

Kindness is not just important in the heat of an argument.

One of the hardest things to do in a relationship is to be nice when you are upset with your partner. It’s also one of the most important moments to be kind. Dr. Gottman’s research shows that couples who start arguments gently are more likely to manage conflict effectively, without harming the relationship. In fact, it is in these moments that Dr. Gottman can predict the success or failure of the relationship with over 90% accuracy.

In a popular Atlantic Magazine interview, Dr. Julie Gottman explains that, “Kindness doesn’t mean that we don’t express our anger, but the kindness informs how we choose to express the anger. You can throw spears at your partner. Or you can explain why you’re hurt and angry, and that’s the kinder path.”

The Vow of Kindness

Kindness is not just important in the heat of an argument, rather, it is about your mindful and considerate behavior throughout your relationship.

When we enter into a committed relationship, most of us make some sort of declaration  – a promise or a vow  – that we will uphold our partner and care for them. We also make a secondary promise: that we will be our best selves ,  full of integrity and hope for a successful future.

The act of not choosing kindness is therefore doubly hurtful – to our partners and to ourselves – because it undercuts our efforts for growth and the potential for greater intimacy.

A relationship is the concerted effort of two people who mindfully and enthusiastically work towards a shared vision. Despite the difficulties of daily life, partners are in charge of their own behavior. While a couple grows together, they are not precluded from growing as individuals as well  –  in fact they must evolve as individuals in order to continually bring their “best selves” to their partner.

Kindness Begets Kindness

How can you cultivate a habit of kindness in your relationship? Below are 3 powerful tips that you can put into action right now, regardless of where your partner is on their journey:

1. Think good thoughts
We are wired to feel how we repeatedly think. Thinking positive thoughts about your partner will make it easier for you to think more positive thoughts, and to speak and behave positively towards them. In order to get into the habit of being kind, you must practice the thoughts as well as the actions.

Remind yourself of the nice things your partner has done each day. For instance, did they take out the recycling or come home early one night for dinner? However small the action, make it a habit of noticing the kindness as it is happening and make a mental note of how happy it makes you feel. When you see your partner, mention it to them. Noticing the good things about your partner helps to keep you in what Dr. John Gottman calls the Positive Perspective or Positive Sentiment Override. It is a sense of hopeful well-being that arises from a positive thoughts and positive interactions.

2. Accept responsibility
Take responsibility for assessing your own feelings before presenting them to your partner. Being upset with your partner, whereas anger and frustration are legitimate emotions, further exploration might reveal that in fact you feel annoyed or sad about a situation. Perhaps upon reflection you find that in fact you felt abandoned or that your dreams are not being acknowledged. Being able to accurately pinpoint your feelings will help you to convey them in a kinder, gentler tone to your partner.

You might think it is more authentic to say exactly what’s on your mind without filtering anything for your partner, but consider that once they are hurt, it is harder for them to connect with you empathically. Take a moment to process your feelings with a therapist or by yourself. Try keeping a journal or log of your day and how you were feeling. Processing your feelings through writing often helps to sort out and organize thoughts.

3. Let hope win
Have faith in the relationship and in your commitment. Even though you will have ongoing arguments with you partner, focus on your friendship. I see couples in my office who want to “solve” their issues first before going out for an ice cream or relaxing over dinner. It’s not possible to solve problems with someone you don’t want to collaborate with.

I often encourage couples to do an activity together to enjoy their love  –  despite their gripes! It is much easier to discuss problems with your best friend than with your “enemy.” It may take effort to institute a date night, but being close and connected is a habit, and habits have to be practiced consciously and regularly. Try going out of your way to be friendly to your partner.

For instance, pour milk in their cereal in the morning, or offer to walk the dog. Look up a movie they’ve been meaning to watch, or even send them a text message today (not about errands or scheduling) about something you’re looking forward to doing with them later.

Kindness Allows You to be Heard

Ultimately, kindness serves your expression of difficult emotions by offering your partner the capacity to really hear you. Even if you are angry, in order to approach your partner effectively you must be kind. If you’ve paved the way for your partner to be open to you, they are more likely to hear your frustration and respond with compassion. Kindness gets your needs met.

Being kind and gentle is a decision. Just as we offer a smile and hold the door open for a stranger, we must remember to cultivate this habit in our relationship no matter how many months or years have passed.

The longer we try, the easier it gets to summon up a positive picture of our beloved. The more we practice kindness, the easier it is to recall that our partner is also a human who is experiencing life alongside us. It becomes easier to offer a smile and to extend an olive branch to the person who is in the struggle with us – not against us.

The post How to Be Kind When You’re Upset With Your Partner appeared first on The Gottman Institute.

Sanaa Hyder, M.S.Ed.

Sanaa Hyder, M.S.Ed.

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5 Reasons Why You Keep Attracting Toxic Men

5 Reasons Why You Keep Attracting Toxic Men

Toxic relationships are incredibly damaging and can cause long-lasting effects on one’s mental and emotional health, so why do you keep attracting toxic men. However, the truth is that no one ever intentionally sets out to be in a toxic relationship. The beginning of a relationship is always full of excitement and hope, and it’s only when things start to go south that we realize how much of a mind f*ck it really was.

It’s like the proverbial frog in boiling water – if you throw a frog into boiling water, it will jump out immediately because it feels the heat. But if you gradually increase the temperature, the frog won’t notice the danger until it’s too late. Similarly, toxic relationships can start out very differently from how they end, and we may not realize we’re in one until it’s too late.

So why do we end up in toxic relationships? Here are some reasons why and what you can do to avoid them.

#1. Attachment Styles

Attachment theory is a psychological theory that explains the dynamics of relationships between humans. The most important idea is that young children need to develop a relationship with at least one primary caregiver for normal social and emotional development. The main attachment styles are secure, anxious, avoidant, and fearful-avoidant. Research shows that non-secure attachment styles are more likely to lead to unhealthy, toxic relationships. Even if you are secure, meeting someone new and exciting can lead to moving too fast, missing red flags, and ending up in a toxic relationship with the wrong person. Regardless of what your attachment style is, you should always look for men with secure attachment styles.

#2. Trust

Trust is an essential element of any healthy relationship. Without trust, it can be difficult to build a strong bond with someone, and toxic behavior like paranoia, jealousy, and controlling behavior can arise. It’s important to have open conversations about boundaries to get on the same page; otherwise, lack of trust can fester and cause the relationship to die. Trust your instincts, as intuition doesn’t lie.

#3. Unhealthy Communication Patterns

Healthy communication is an essential foundation to any relationship, whether it’s a romantic one or a platonic one. Poor communication or a lack of communication can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and a breakdown of trust in a relationship. You should always be able to communicate clearly and respectfully, even when you’re in conflict.

#4. Insecurities

Insecurities and low self-esteem can lead to toxic behavior as a way of seeking validation and attention. It can also lead to staying in a relationship, missing red flags, or accepting less than you deserve because you don’t realize you’re worthy of more. Improving your confidence can be done with knowledge and a strategy, and seeking out professional help can also be beneficial.

#5. Past Trauma

Past traumas like abuse or neglect, especially in childhood, can affect an individual’s ability to have healthy relationships. The help of therapy and coaching can allow you to face the trauma and heal. Otherwise, you’ll subconsciously be recreating your childhood in your adult relationships.

In conclusion, being in a toxic relationship is never a good thing. However, understanding why we end up in them is the first step in avoiding them altogether. By recognizing attachment styles, building trust, practicing healthy communication, addressing insecurities, and seeking help for past traumas, we can avoid the frog soup relationships and find true happiness and love.

The post 5 Reasons Why You Keep Attracting Toxic Men appeared first on Love Strategies.

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