12 Simple (But Highly Effective) Tips To Get A Guy To Ask You Out

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12 Simple (But Highly Effective) Tips To Get A Guy To Ask You Out

Have you ever wondered how to get a guy to ask you out? Maybe there’s a guy you see every morning in your local coffee shop, and you’re tired of the banter between you and want him to ask you out already! Maybe you’ve matched with a couple of guys on a dating app, and you don’t know how to guide them toward meeting up in person. Or maybe you often meet handsome men when you’re out for dinner or at the tennis club with friends, but nothing ever comes close to a date.

Here’s the deal. Before I started coaching women, I used to coach men and help them build their confidence and a real connection with you, sexy, single ladies. What you need to know is most guys are terrified of rejection. There’s so much pressure on us to be the ones to do the asking, but that comes with the real risk of someone turning us down. And even if a woman does that in the kindest way possible, it’s still a dent in our fragile egos!

So, most men will only ask a woman out if they know there is a high chance they will say yes. That means if you want to get a guy to ask you out, you’ve got to give him just enough to make him think you’ll say yes, without coming on too strong. And this article will walk you through the steps to get there.

 

Why do you even want him to ask you out vs. asking him out yourself?

As the feminist movement has gained momentum, there has been a trend where women are encouraged and empowered to do the asking out. Why sit around waiting for a guy to ask you out (and get frustrated or impatient because he hasn’t got a clue) when you can make the first move?

By all means, ask a guy out if you want to. Naturally, you may feel a little daunted by the idea of it, especially if you’ve never done it before. But I want you to know that when someone gets asked on a date, there’s an exchange of power at play.

The person doing the asking is putting themselves out there and risking rejection. And at that moment, the person asked out has all the power. As a woman, you want to be in this position because you are making the guy invest in you early on and putting yourself in the power seat.

Plus, let’s be honest: it feels really good to be asked out, doesn’t it? And it’s way less nerve-wracking than doing the asking yourself!

Here’s how to get a guy to ask you out

1. Live an amazing life

Getting a guy to ask you out begins way before you get to the guy! The best way to attract a high-value man is to position yourself as a high-value woman. And how do you do that? You live an amazing life!

Enjoy your hobbies, pursue your greatest passions, kill it at work, and have fun with your friends. Have your own epic life and priorities so that you’re not dependent on any man showing interest in you or validating you. If you never have any plans in the evening or at the weekend, are available to go on a date at short notice, or worse, cancel plans for a guy you just met, it screams that you don’t have a life. And if this rings true for you, there’s no better time than now to start filling your life with wonderful things.

woman on boat

2. Have an outcome-independent mindset

Let’s say you’re out at a wine bar with a friend, and a handsome man catches your attention. In your head, you think, “I really want him to ask for my number,” or “I would love to go on a date with him.” And you start to focus all your attention and energy on this one guy that you haven’t met yet. You’re hoping for a specific outcome (this is called an outcome-dependent mindset), and what this does is it harms your ability to connect with him naturally.

What you want is an outcome-independent mindset. This mindset looks like, “I’m just going to head to this singles event and talk to at least five new people and focus on having fun!” You’re not dependent on a specific outcome. If a cute guy asks you out, great. And if nothing comes from it, that’s okay too. With this mindset, you take the pressure off, and everything feels lighter and easier. And this will reflect positively in your energy and how guys perceive you.

3. Spend more time where he does

Here’s how to get a guy to ask you out – be in places and situations where your ideal man will be. First, you’ve got to have a love vision so you know who you want to meet, which is Little Love Step #2 of our 7 Little Love Steps.

Next, think about where that guy would spend time. What activities would he be involved in? What interests might he have? Where is he on the evenings and weekends? Where can you maximize your chances of interacting with him?

4. Start a conversation

Let’s imagine you’re at a singles event, a high-end bar, or a golf club – somewhere with plenty of high-value men. How do you start a conversation with one of them out of thin air? Well, it’s a lot easier than you might think.

Women generally get asked out a lot, far more than men do. This means that when a guy starts chatting with a woman, he has to be more original to stand out. But men just aren’t used to women starting conversations with them. Even my most attractive friends aren’t used to this! That means the bar is a lot lower for you. You don’t need to crack a hilarious joke or be super original. All you need to do is give a man an opportunity to lead the conversation.

Examples:

  • Anywhere: “Hey there!”
  • At a bar: “What are you drinking? That looks delicious!”
  • At an event: “What brings you here tonight?”
  • Somewhere a sports game is playing: “I didn’t know a game was on. Who’s playing?”

These might sound simple and obvious, but that doesn’t matter. These will spark an easy conversation, and that’s what you want!

how to get a guy to ask you out

5. Communicate your interest with your body language

When you’re talking to a guy, pay attention to your body language. Your body gives away a lot of clues and adds to your energy. For example, crossing your arms or legs or avoiding eye contact will make a guy think you’re not interested in him. And, like I said, if he thinks you’re not interested, he won’t ask you out!

Remember to pair whatever you say with a smile – I call this “smalking” (smiling while talking). Maintain a healthy amount of eye contact, face toward him, and maybe even break the physical touch barrier if it feels appropriate.

woman smiling

6. Be fun and playful

Think about it this way – are you going to be more attracted to the super serious, uptight guy or the one who is joking around and able to laugh at himself?

Fun, playful energy is contagious. So when you’re talking to a guy you like and want him to ask you out, keep things light, tease him, and don’t be afraid to poke fun at yourself. The more fun he has talking to you, the more attracted he will be to you. The more attracted he is, the more he will want to see you again.

7. Ask for help with something

Another great way to get a guy to ask you out is to ask him to help you with something. That doesn’t mean you need to act like a damsel in distress. I know you’ve got your life together and don’t need a man to help you. But help or support can be refreshing, especially if you’re a woman who is super independent and used to doing and figuring out everything on your own.

So if you need help carrying something heavy to your car, reaching the top shelf in the grocery store, or filling the air up in your car tires, and there also happens to be a cute guy around, don’t be afraid to ask.

how to get a guy to ask you out

8. It’s all about positioning

Generally, I don’t recommend going to a bar or club to meet guys because the quality of guys you will meet will be fairly low. Copious amounts of alcohol do not tend to lead to genuine connection! High-end bars like wine bars are a better option, as well as networking and singles events, friend’s parties, etc.

Wherever you are, there are certain things you can do to encourage a man to talk to you and ask you out. Firstly, make sure you’re in the center of the room. If you’re off in a dark corner, it will be difficult for him to get to you without it being a trek! Make sure you’re standing rather than sitting because it’s super awkward trying to converse at different eye levels. And do your best to have fun. This is not the time or place to have a serious life talk with your BFF.

My final tip is don’t be wasted. One or two drinks are fine and may help you loosen up. Any more than that is OTT; most high-value men will not want to start a conversation with someone drunk.

9. Invite him to join you and your friends

If there’s a guy you already know from work or have a friendship with and you want to get to know him more, invite him to join you and your friends in an activity, whether it’s going for drinks, a summer barbeque, or a local food festival. This will allow you to spend quality time together without the pressure of a date. And if you hit it off, this will be a golden opportunity for him to ask you on a more formal, one-on-one date.

10. Mention your weekend plans

Another way to get a guy to ask you out is to casually mention your weekend plans while talking to him. This will help you see if you have any shared interests, show him you have an amazing life already, and give him some helpful tips on the date he should take you on.

11. Compliment him

Women give other women compliments all the time. But men don’t tend to have this kind of dialogue with their guy friends. So when a woman thoughtfully compliments us, it means something and leaves a lasting impression.

So if you notice and appreciate something in a guy you’re attracted to, don’t hold it in. Just make sure it is coming from a real place. Don’t be all over him – one compliment is enough to make a real impact. This will give him the confidence or extra nudge to ask you out.

12. Up your social score and keep meeting new guys

My final tip to get a guy to ask you out is to make sure you continue to meet and interact with new guys each week. In our Love Accelerator community, we encourage every woman to keep a “social score.” This is a simple way of tracking how many new guys you meet each week or month. A point will be added to your score for every real-life conversation or meetup with someone you’ve never spoken to or met before. So multiple conversations or dates with the same guy don’t count.

In the community, women share their social scores, and we encourage everyone to meet new people all the time, even if they’ve already met someone they like. This helps build your social confidence and keeps your dating options wide open. The more single guys you meet, the more dates you’re likely to go on!

Conclusion

Now you know how to get a guy to ask you out; it’s over to you. What one thing can you do today to increase your chances of a guy you like asking you on a date? Drop it in the comments below!

The post 12 Simple (But Highly Effective) Tips To Get A Guy To Ask You Out appeared first on Love Strategies.

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7 Dangerous Signs of Gaslighting in a Relationship (#3 KILLS Your Confidence)

7 Dangerous Signs of Gaslighting in a Relationship (#3 KILLS Your Confidence)

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that involves manipulating someone’s perception of reality. It is a dangerous technique that can undermine a person’s self-confidence and sanity, and is often used by people in romantic relationships to exert control and power over their partner. In this blog post, we will discuss the signs of gaslighting in a relationship and what you can do if you are experiencing it.

Gaslighting involves denying the validity of things that a person knows they are experiencing. For instance, if a person sees their partner with another woman but their partner denies it and says that they are imagining things, that is gaslighting. Here are some of the signs of gaslighting in a relationship:

#1. Telling you that you’re imagining things: If your partner denies something that you know you saw or experienced, they may be gaslighting you.

#2. Saying you’re overreacting: If your partner dismisses your feelings and tells you that you’re overreacting, that may be gaslighting. It is important to trust your instincts and not let someone else tell you how you should feel.

#3. Crumbling self-confidence: If your partner makes you doubt yourself and your abilities, that may be gaslighting. A healthy relationship should make you feel good about yourself, not tear you down.

#4. Wanting all the power in the relationship: If your partner always wants to be in control and makes you feel like your opinions don’t matter, that may be gaslighting. A healthy relationship involves compromise and mutual respect.

#5. Being like Jekyll & Hyde: If your partner has a good side and a bad side and you feel like you never know which one you’re going to get, that may be gaslighting. A person who gaslights is often good at putting on an act and manipulating others.

#6. Perpetual state of confusion: If your partner makes you feel like you’re on a carousel and you don’t know which way is up, that may be gaslighting. A gaslighter may use tactics like withholding or countering to confuse their partner and make them doubt their own memory and perception.

#7. Constantly apologizing: If you find yourself apologizing for things that you didn’t do or that aren’t your fault, that may be gaslighting. A gaslighter is skilled at deflecting criticism and making their partner feel guilty.

If you are experiencing gaslighting in your relationship, it is important to take action. Talk to a trusted friend or family member, seek the advice of a therapist, or consider leaving the relationship. Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, and you should not have to tolerate emotional abuse from anyone.

The post 7 Dangerous Signs of Gaslighting in a Relationship (#3 KILLS Your Confidence) appeared first on Love Strategies.

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Am I Ready For A Relationship? 13 Signs You’re Emotionally Prepared

Am I ready for a relationship? Here’s how to know if you’re ready for a relationship

Here are some of the clear signs you are ready for a relationship. If you find you read through this list and you tick a lot of these boxes, great! And if not, use these as tips to get started on doing the inner work that will get you to a place where you are ready to date and welcome someone special into your life in a healthy, mature way.

Is there a part of you that wants to find love but another part of you that wonders, “am I ready for a relationship?”

It’s common to have these mixed emotions.

Perhaps you want a relationship because everyone around you has coupled up, and you fear missing out on what they have. You may want certain parts of a relationship, like romance, companionship, and a teammate who is always there for you through the good and bad times. But maybe another part of you isn’t emotionally ready.

Just because you want a relationship doesn’t mean you’re ready for one. And if you aren’t fully ready, you’re likely to struggle with dating or end up in an unhealthy, short-term relationship with someone who isn’t compatible with you for the long haul. Relationship readiness is more important than you think. A 2019 study found that when two people feel ready for a relationship, the relationship they end up in is 25% less likely to end.

The good news is that even if you aren’t truly ready for a relationship right now, there are certain things you can do to move on from your ex, heal your relationship with yourself, and learn the skills you need to attract and foster a successful long-term relationship. And I’ll be sharing all of those tips with you in this article.

8 signs you’re not ready for a relationship yet

  • You can’t stop thinking about your ex or want them back
  • You have emotional baggage and trauma that needs healing
  • You’re in an emotionally unstable phase of your life (e.g., going through big changes with your job, or a loved one has passed away, etc.)
  • You are looking for someone to save or for someone to save you
  • You want a relationship purely because you don’t want to be alone or because everyone else you know is in one
  • You don’t know how to communicate in a healthy, respectful way
  • You aren’t willing to compromise
  • You are generally unhappy

 

1. Your last relationship was a while ago

Even if you were more than ready for your last relationship to end, and you were the one who instigated the breakup, you still need time to reflect, heal and move on. Whether your relationship was relatively healthy or incredibly toxic, you must give yourself at least a few months before you start dating again.

You’ll know you’re ready once you can think about your ex and relationship and feel completely neutral. You’ve forgiven him for hurting you (if he did) because you realize that forgiveness is more for you than for him. You’re at a point where you barely think of your ex. The sound of his name doesn’t fill you with rage or sadness, or longing. You’re just completely over it and ready to start a new chapter.

2. You understand what a healthy relationship looks likes

“Am I ready for a relationship?”

That depends a lot on what you think a healthy relationship looks like. We learn a lot about relationships from our primary caregivers, usually our parents. If your parents had an unhealthy, toxic, or even abusive relationship, there’s a strong chance you learned to see this as normal. But it isn’t normal or healthy. And what happens is when you start dating, you will subconsciously look to recreate the same unhealthy behaviors and dynamics you witnessed as a child.

So I want you to get honest with yourself here. Think back to your childhood and the relationships you were primarily exposed to. Were they healthy, or were they toxic? What did you learn that you have carried with you into adulthood? Are there some beliefs you need to rewrite or behaviors you need to work on that will help you attract and build a healthy relationship?

couple holding hands

3. You’ve done the inner work

One of the easiest ways to see you’ve done the inner work and built your self-worth and self-confidence is if you enjoy spending time alone and in silence. For example, you’re more than happy to eat dinner at the dining table alone, without the TV on or your phone in hand, and it’s a nourishing experience. Or you enjoy visiting an art gallery or taking a vacation alone. And it’s not that you always do these things alone; the key difference is that you are okay with being alone. You love you. You enjoy your company. And you’re not looking for a distraction from your thoughts.

This is why Little Love Step #1 of our 7 Little Love Steps is dedicated to building your confidence. Once you can be with yourself and feel at peace, you know you’re ready for a relationship.

4. You’re not looking for someone to complete you

If you’ve ever seen the movie Jerry Macguire, you’ll remember the famous scene near the end where Jerry (Tom Cruise) declares his love to Dorothy (Renee Zellweger) and says, “you complete me.” A part of you might think this is the most romantic, beautiful thing ever, and why can’t you meet an amazing man like Jerry who bares his soul to you? And while I’m all for men and women being vulnerable and building that emotional connection with each other, the idea that you need someone else to feel whole is damaging.

Language like this reinforces the idea that we are not enough on our own. That we can’t be happy or feel good or worthy until we fall in love and someone else declares us worthy.

I’m here to tell you that you don’t need anyone else to make you feel worthy or complete. That’s one hundred percent on you. And once you reach a place where you do feel whole on your own, that’s when you know you’re ready for a relationship. It’ll be about sharing your love, deepening your growth, and making your already amazing life even better, which you didn’t even think was possible because your life is so awesome.

Am I ready to date

5. You’re looking for an equal, not someone to “fix”

Some women are drawn to “bad boys” because they haven’t worked through childhood baggage and trauma. For example, you might have grown up with a father who was verbally abusive to your mother. An uncle who looked after you who was an alcoholic. Or maybe parents who were absent and didn’t show you enough love and attention. And because you couldn’t “save” or “fix” that person and you didn’t get the emotional care you needed, you look for a man who you can fix and who treats you the same way. He isn’t emotionally mature or stable enough to be in a relationship. He isn’t your equal, and you are drawn to that dynamic where you give your love, care, and support to someone but don’t get a whole lot back in return.

Think about it this way. If you were looking for a house and money did not enter the equation, would you choose to live in a beautiful, brand-new home that has everything you could ever need inside it, or would you choose the house with crumbling foundations and a leaky basement that is cold and damp inside and requires a ton of work? You’d choose the beautiful house!

You know you’re ready for a healthy relationship when you look for someone who is your equal rather than a “fixer-upper.”

6. And you’re not looking to be saved either

If you are looking for a guy to “save” or “rescue” you from your current life or circumstances, you’ve got a lot of inner work to do before you’re emotionally stable enough to be in a healthy relationship. You have to reach a place where you can fully be there for yourself unconditionally and achieve emotional, financial, and physical stability. If any of these things are out of balance, you will be looking for a relationship from rocky ground.

No one can heal your wounds, validate your feelings, or make you happy if you are not already doing these things for yourself.

7. You’re happy being single

Another clear sign that you are ready for a relationship is if it doesn’t phase you that you’re currently without one. You are happy and enjoy being single but also think a relationship would be great. The key message here is that while you want a relationship, you don’t need one. That’s the place you want to be.

In my experience as a dating coach, when you reach that place where you are truly happy and content with your life and open to meeting someone but not obsessively thinking about it, that’s when love comes knocking.

how to know if you're ready for a relationship

8. You know what you’re looking for

When you like, love, and accept yourself and know your worth and value, attracting a like-minded partner and a healthy relationship becomes much easier. But you have to know what you’re looking for.

So what are you looking for? Because if you don’t know, how will you know when you find it?

Little Love Step #2 centers on creating a love vision for the man and relationship you want to attract that is compatible with your future. With this, you will easily be able to spot (and dodge) the wrong guys and choose the right ones.

9. You’re ready to invest time and energy into dating and a relationship

Many of the women I coach in my Love Accelerator program are alpha female types. They are executives, on the board of their company or run their own business and are generally killing it at work. Ask them how they got to where they are today, and they will tell you they worked hard and invested a lot of time and energy into shaping their careers. And this is what is required when you want to build or achieve anything in life. You’ve got to be serious about it and committed to it.

Next time you wonder, “am I ready for a relationship?” move your focus to your actions. You might say you’re ready, but are you following through with your actions? For example, are you making an effort to meet new people? Have you joined a dating site, and do you commit at least 30 minutes daily to respond to messages? Do you make time to go on dates during the week?

We’ve all got other commitments and responsibilities that are important to us, like our careers, kids, and hobbies. But you can still be focused on those things and make time for dating.

alpha female business woman

10. Drama, hookups and situationships are a total turn-off

Are you drawn to chaos in your love life? By that, I mean things like dating someone you know isn’t good for you or isn’t emotionally available, being drawn to bad boys, engaging in booty calls, and finding yourself in situationships or toxic relationships with epic highs and lows? These are all signs that you aren’t ready for a healthy relationship. Because someone who is would immediately see the red flags, listen to them, and avoid these situations.

A high-value woman has no time or patience for this sh*t. While chaos might feel exciting, and the stability of a healthy relationship might be boring in comparison, she is excited about this stability. And that’s when you know you’re ready and emotionally prepared for a relationship.

11. You’re not afraid to let someone in

Are you open to and excited about meeting new people and dating, and following through in your actions? Or are you subconsciously closing yourself off out of fear of rejection, having your heart broken, or your trust betrayed?

You know you’re ready for a relationship when your desire to connect deeply with someone outweighs your fear. You’re willing to put yourself out there, be vulnerable, and give someone the chance to be vulnerable with you. You know it’s an emotional risk, and you have your concerns and fears, but you show up with courage. You show up on that dating site that a part of you didn’t want to join. You show up on that first date even though you’re nervous as hell. And you continue to display courage like this because you know love is in your future, and you are ready to let someone in.

12. You know how important healthy communication is

If you’ve had issues communicating with partners and working through disagreements (which are normal), there’s a high chance that you don’t know how to communicate healthily. Again, this is very normal because there’s no “communication 101” class at school. We learn how to communicate by watching our parents speak. If they don’t know how to communicate effectively, then chances are neither will we unless we learn this elsewhere.

Communication is one of the most important things in any relationship. Without open, honest, effective communication, a relationship cannot survive, let alone grow. If you understand this and it’s something you have worked on so you can express yourself more clearly, listen better, and even argue more effectively, that’s a great sign. And if not, remember it’s never too late to start.

13. You know how to set and honor your boundaries

Another reason many relationships are unhealthy, toxic, or even abusive is that we forget to set boundaries when dating. And even if you have boundaries, it’s another task to communicate and honor them. But as I mentioned earlier, if you have done the inner work and are at a place where you love and value yourself, you will respect your boundaries and walk away in a heartbeat from anyone who disrespects them. If you have taken time to understand and define your boundaries during the dating process and in a relationship, you’re more equipped to be in a serious relationship.

Boundaries can include what kind of man you want to date; for example, you aren’t willing to date someone who takes drugs. That’s a boundary. Another boundary could be that you won’t have sex with a guy until you’ve really got to know him and developed an emotional connection, or maybe even fallen in love. When you’re dating, there will come a natural point where conversations like this arise, and that’s the time to communicate your boundary. If a guy tries to push a boundary or blatantly disrespects it, that’s your sign that he is the wrong guy for you. Time to say, NEXT!

Conclusion

All these factors: confidence, availability, emotional stability, and readiness are essential areas to work on before you start dating and consider getting into a relationship. Remember that you can always work on improving these skills while dating, but make sure you have a solid foundation where you feel happy and content within. Be willing to dedicate consistent time and effort to meeting new people and going on dates. Know what you want and what your firm boundaries are.

Are you ready for a relationship? Yes or no? Tell me why in the comments below.

The post Am I Ready For A Relationship? 13 Signs You’re Emotionally Prepared appeared first on Love Strategies.

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Chat line services have been around for decades, providing people with an alternative way to meet and connect with others. One of the most popular features of these services is the availability of free chat line numbers. These numbers allow users to access the chat lines without any cost, providing a great opportunity to try out the service and see if it’s right for them.

Free chat line numbers are typically offered by most chat line services as a way to attract new users. These numbers can be found on the chat line service’s website, advertisements, or even on social media platforms. Once you call the number, you will be prompted to create a username and record a brief introduction. After that, you can start listening to the voice greetings of other users and begin chatting with those who catch your interest.

One of the biggest advantages of using free chat line numbers is that they allow users to try out the service without any commitment. Users can test the waters and see if the chat line is a good fit for them before investing any money. It’s also a great way to get a feel for the different types of people who use the service and the kinds of conversations that take place.

Another benefit of using free chat line numbers is that they can help users overcome shyness or anxiety about meeting new people. Chatting with strangers over the phone can be less intimidating than approaching someone in person, and the anonymity of the chat line can make it easier to open up and be yourself. Additionally, chat lines can be a great way to practice conversation skills and develop confidence in social situations.

While free chat line numbers can be a great way to connect with others, it’s important to exercise caution when using these services. Always protect your personal information and never share any sensitive details with someone you just met. Additionally, be aware that some users may not have good intentions and may try to take advantage of others on the chat line. If you ever feel uncomfortable or unsafe, it’s important to end the conversation and report any suspicious behavior to the chat line service.

In conclusion, free chat line numbers can be a great way to connect with others and try out chat line services without any cost or commitment. Whether you’re looking for new friends, casual conversations, or even a potential romantic partner, chat lines can provide a fun and engaging way to meet new people. Just remember to be cautious and protect your personal information while using these services.

The Feminine Charm Code: 7 Proven Ways to Be a Magnetic First Date

The Feminine Charm Code: 7 Proven Ways to Be a Magnetic First Date

Are you tired of feeling cursed when it comes to first dates? Does it seem like no matter what you do, you just can’t seem to make a connection with someone new? What is Feminine Charm Code? It’s a common feeling, but the good news is that there are proven ways to be a charming first date, and have men begging for that second date, and many more.

Many people believe that charm is something you either have or don’t have, but that’s not true. Charm can be learned and developed, just like any other skill. With a little bit of effort and practice, you can become a master of first dates and leave a lasting impression on every person you meet.

Here are seven proven ways to be a charming first date:

#1. Build your sexy confidence

Confidence is one of the most attractive qualities a person can possess. Give yourself a pep talk before every first date, listen to something positive, or call a positive friend. Remind yourself that you are a catch and that the person you are meeting is lucky to be spending time with you.

#2. Relax and remove the pressure

The harder you try to be charming, the more awkward it can get. Remind yourself that it’s just a date, and that the person you are meeting is probably just as nervous as you are. Let him feel the pressure, and let him impress you. This is what we call outcome independence. The more dates you go on, the more relaxed you will become, so practice as much as you can.

#3. Warm up before the date

Being charming is all about your mindset. Take some time to warm up before your date, just like you would before a workout. Listen to some music, dance around your room, or do whatever it takes to get yourself in the right headspace.

#4. Prepare a few things to talk about before the date

Having a few conversational points in your back pocket can be helpful, especially if you’re feeling nervous. Avoid talking about exes, sexual preferences, and potty humor. Instead, dive deeper into topics that interest both of you.

#5. Don’t be afraid to ask questions that go deeper

Asking questions that go beyond surface-level small talk is a great way to build a deeper connection with your date. Use active listening to keep the conversation flowing, and give your date space to ask you questions as well.

#6. Smalk

Smiling while talking, or “smalking,” is a great way to show your date that you are engaged and interested in what they have to say. Give it a try and see how it can improve the dynamic of your conversation.

#7. Break the touch barrier

Breaking the touch barrier can be a great way to build intimacy and connection on a first date. Start with small touches, like a light touch on the arm or shoulder, and see how your date responds.

Remember, rejection and meeting people you don’t click with is a part of dating. It’s all about your mindset. Commit to this feminine charm code and watch your dating experiences transform. By practicing these seven tips, you’ll be well on your way to becoming a master of first dates, and you’ll never have to worry about the first date curse again.

The post The Feminine Charm Code: 7 Proven Ways to Be a Magnetic First Date appeared first on Love Strategies.

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Avoid the Dating Trap: 12 Red Flags You’re In A Situationship

Avoid the Dating Trap: 12 Red Flags You’re In A Situationship

In today’s dating landscape, it’s easy to end up in endless limbo with a guy you have not explicitly defined as a relationship. Yet there’s a sliver of hope you cling to that it could turn into something serious and exclusive. There’s just one problem – it never does. Welcome to a situationship.

You might have convinced yourself that nobody dates exclusively anymore or puts a label on anything. That not having a clue where you stand at any given time is the status quo for dating these days. But that’s not true.

At first, a situationship can feel fun and exciting. But if you’re looking for something long-term, it will become incredibly confusing and unfulfilling really fast. So, what are some of the red flags you need to look out for that you’re in a situationship, and how can you detach from it and move on?

What is a situationship?

A situationship describes that phase between dating and an exclusive relationship. The term “situationship” hit an all-time high in Google’s search traffic in 2022 as more and more people find themselves in this relationship purgatory, not knowing where they stand but trying to stay cool about it.

In a situationship, you get none of the perks of being single or in a committed relationship. It doesn’t quite feel like you’re single, and there’s a huge part of you that is waiting for this to develop into something more. At the same time, you’re not in a relationship because you have not sat down with this guy and had the DTR (defined the relationship).

Even if you are acting like you’re in a relationship, he is probably acting like he’s still single. And yes, if you haven’t had the DTR, you should assume he is still seeing and sleeping with other women.

It’s this weird transitional stage full of uncertainty, and you have no idea if you’re coming or going.

Should you update your relationship status on Facebook?

Nope.

Should you tell people you have a boyfriend?

Nope, you don’t.

Okay, well, what the heck should I do, Adam?!

Keep reading.

confused woman

The key difference between something causal and a situationship

Honestly?

There is no difference.

“Situationship” is a fancy way of saying “a casual, no-strings-attached relationship.”

The only difference is you hope it will become something more serious soon. But the truth is, this rarely happens. If a man wants to commit to you, he won’t waste any time doing so. You will not be confused about his intentions because he will make them clear.

12 Situationship red flags to watch out for

1. You never know where you stand

One of the biggest red flags that you’re in a situationship is if you never know where you stand and are constantly asking yourself, “what are we?”

As I said, there should not be confusion in a healthy, committed relationship. If a man wants to be in a relationship with you, he will make it very clear, and you will know where you stand.

Confusion happens when there’s a disconnect between what’s happening in reality and what you tell yourself in your head. Are you lying to yourself? Are you making excuses for his hot and cold or flaky behavior?

It’s time to disregard what this guy tells you (the audio) and start paying attention to his actions (the visual). If he tells you he wants to be with you but then goes out every Friday and Saturday night, and you don’t hear from him until Monday morning, that’s a clear sign that he isn’t as committed as he tells you he is.

2. He makes plans with you last minute

It requires effort to plan dates in advance, even for something simple like dinner or a movie. This shows that this guy cares about you and likes you enough to ensure you see each other regularly. A man who does want to pursue things with you and be in a relationship will make plans in advance with you, whether it’s a week, a month, or even more into the future.

But if this guy only hits up your phone last minute and asks to see you that same evening, it’s a situationship red flag.

Don’t be that available for anyone! A high-value woman has an incredible life on her own and does not have time in her busy schedule to see some guy last minute like that. Be too busy with your career, friends, hobbies, and passions that when a text like that rolls through, you laugh at the audacity of it.

*eyeroll*

“Homeboy thinks I have nothing better to do than wait around for him to take me out…”

3. You don’t go out on actual dates

Is he trying to plan fun, exciting dates for you, dress up, take you out, and show you a good time? Be honest with yourself.

Casual “hangouts” where you chill in his bedroom or Netflix and chill do not count and are red flags of a situationship.

Another sign is if you have a warm, naked body to cuddle at night, but when it comes to your friend’s birthday parties, engagements, or weddings, you’re always flying solo. You see this guy all the time, but when it comes to important public events, he’s a no-show.

4. You only see him at night

Do all your “dates” happen late at night, like he hits up your phone at 2 AM asking what you’re up to and if he can come over?

But when it comes to the day, you never see him. Is he a vampire? What does he even look like with the sun on his face? Who knows?!

Sure, many dates happen in the evening, after work, and over dinner. But what I’m talking about is that after dinner, you only spend with someone if there is a cheeky sleepover on the cards.

5. And you always end up in bed

If you only see this guy at night and always end up having sex, you can bet you’re in a situationship.

You’re still in that early phase of getting to know someone, and this is when people are eager to date, share new experiences, and build memories together, which definitely includes activities out of the bedroom. So if sex is the only regular activity you engage in together, it’s not a relationship; it’s just sex.

You might be hoping that things will gradually progress into something more, but the more this continues, the more the chances of that happening decrease. He already has you in the palm of his hand and hasn’t had to do much work or make any commitments. Why would he want to change that when he can enjoy all the perks of being single when he’s not with you and of having a girlfriend when he’s with you?

situationship red flags

6. Your connection is shallow

In a healthy, mature relationship, a deep emotional and intellectual connection will be present and always growing. You’ll be able to have serious conversations about all kinds of things, seek advice from one another, and be open and vulnerable.

One of the red flags you’re in a situationship is if your connection feels shallow and purely physical. There’s a lot of small talk and conversation centered on what you do in bed but not much else. Maybe you always try to steer the conversation in a different direction and build a deeper connection with him, but it never seems to lead anywhere. This is because he is not looking for anything serious with you. He wants sexual intimacy minus the commitment and responsibility of a relationship.

7. He is breadcrumbing you

Breadcrumbing is when someone gives you just enough time, attention, and affection to keep you interested but not nearly enough to qualify as relationship intent.

They might make a vague plan with you but never follow up with details. And they keep you holding on because they tell you they’ll “let you know soon” or will “talk about it later.” But there’s always a reason why it never happens.

It’s common for them to disappear for days or weeks at a time, then drop you a “hey, how are you?” text as if it was only yesterday you were sipping on a cool glass of rosé and chowing down on a bowl of spaghetti carbonara together.

Is this guy for real?

People do this because it creates an illusion of intimacy. But if you pause and think about it, you usually realize that you don’t know anything meaningful about this person.

8. You are the one putting in all the effort

When it feels like you’re putting in all the time, effort, and compromise to make it work, it’s one of the clear red flags that you’ve got a dating situationship on your hands.

If, nine times out of ten, you are texting, calling, making plans, and bending to his needs and schedule, that’s not a good sign. Relationships are two-sided. dating Situationships are one-sided.

And if you’re being honest with yourself, you keep making all the effort and don’t pull back because you know deep down that things would probably fizzle out. You are doing anything to prevent that from happening, including forgiving him when he bails on you at the last minute for the twentieth time and dropping everything (including your best friends) to see him when he messages out of the blue and says, “wanna come over to my place?”

You deserve so much more than this. It’s time to say, NEXT!

woman texting man

9. You haven’t met his world

If you’ve been seeing this guy for a few months, and you still haven’t been introduced to his close friends or family, that’s another red flag that you’re in a situationship. Does he even have any friends or family? Has he told you all his loved ones moved abroad to Australia when really they all live right around the block from him?

When a man wants to commit to you and make things exclusive, he will want you to meet what I call “his world.” He wants you to get to know the people he’s closest with, and he wants them to get to know you, too. This is a really important step in any relationship because you’ll spend much more time together if the relationship progresses.

If he’s stalling and giving you all the excuses he can think of to prevent you and his friends and family from meeting, it’s because he doesn’t see you in his future.

10. You’ve been dating forever and still haven’t had the DTR

I briefly mentioned the DTR earlier, a key part of Little Love Step #6, and setting boundaries for a committed relationship.

Maybe you’re too afraid to have “the talk” because you’re scared of being disappointed, or perhaps you keep trying to have it, but he’s giving you unclear answers and avoiding commitment like the plague.

Here’s what you need to know: if you have not sat down and explicitly said that you are in an exclusive relationship, you must assume that you are not. You are both still single. Assume that he is dating other women, and I encourage you to keep your options open and date other guys too.

It’s natural for the DTR to come up after you’ve been seeing each other for around three months. If that milestone came and went a long time ago, you’re in a dating situationship.

red flags you're in a situationship

11. There’s no growth

In a healthy, committed relationship, you grow as individuals and together. Over time, you will build intimacy, physical attraction will fade and be replaced by emotional attraction, and you will get to know each other on a deeper level.

But in a situationship, this doesn’t happen. Your connection, at least for one of you, is probably purely physical. You spend more time together, but nothing changes. You don’t know him better than you did a month ago, and he doesn’t know you. It can feel like you’re going around in circles rather than moving up the stairs, which can be frustrating. Especially if you see other couples thriving and evolving around you, and you’re stuck in the mud with this guy.

12. You don’t ever talk about the future

In a relationship, the future always crops up. There’s a gourmet food truck festival next month in town, and he asks you if you’d like to go (and you’re a total foodie, so you say, “heck yeah!”). You’re looking to the summer ahead, planning vacations with the girls, and maybe a fun weekend away with him. You get an invite to Sally’s wedding and invite him as your plus one.

These are all normal things that happen when you progress your connection with someone.

On the other hand, if a guy always spouts vague lines like, “let’s just enjoy things how they are… why worry about the future?… let’s see what happens…” it’s because he doesn’t want to talk about the future and doesn’t think he needs to because this is not long-term for him. Or, you’ll also notice on the rare occasions when the future does crop up in his conversations, there’s a lot of “I” and no mention of you.

When should you end a situationship?

Now that you know the red flags that you’re in a dating situationship, let’s talk about how to navigate it if you find yourself in this position.

For some people, casual dating situationships suit them and their lifestyles. They’re not looking for anything serious or long-term and want to enjoy a bit of companionship and sex. And that’s cool – as long as that’s what you want and you’re both on the same page.

But if you end up in a situationship without intending to be in one, you want the commitment of a serious relationship, and this is starting to affect your mental and emotional health; it’s time to call it quits. It’s normal to feel attached to this guy, but he’s not worth the anxiety, frustration, and worthlessness you feel because of him.

Remember that situationships rarely progress into healthy, committed relationships. So if you’re burying your head in the sand, hoping you’ll get your happily ever after, it’s time to come down from the clouds and be real with yourself.

situationship red flags

How to emotionally detach from a situationship and move on

If you’ve realized you’re in a dating situationship and want to know how to detach from it and move on, here’s my advice.

Think about the kind of man and relationship you’re looking for (this is what I call Little Love Step #2). Do this guy and the situation that you’re in match this? Do you want monogamy, or are you happy with an open relationship? Do you want the labels of boyfriend and girlfriend and to be able to make your relationship official, including on Facebook? Or are you happy keeping things secret and never holding hands together in public?

If you realize you want an exclusive, committed relationship that is constantly growing and feels two-sided, then it’s time to break up with this guy. Sit down, be honest about where you stand, and let him know that whatever you’re doing right now is no longer working for you.

Don’t give him an ultimatum hoping it will make him commit – it won’t because he has had plenty of time to commit if he wanted to. But stay strong with your position. Cut all contact with him, and move on. Give yourself some time to process the breakup and heal from it. And when it feels like enough time has passed, start dating again.

Conclusion

Are you stuck in a dating situationship that is going nowhere? Share your story with me in the comments below! Tell me what your next step will be to help you move toward the man and relationship you know you deserve.

The post Avoid the Dating Trap: 12 Red Flags You’re In A Situationship appeared first on Love Strategies.

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Honest Sex

Honest Sex

An excerpt from the book “Honest Sex: A Passionate Path to Deepen Connection and Keep Relationships Alive” by author Shana James

AN UPDATED, HONEST DEFINITION OF SEX

When we expand our definition and understanding of sex, not only are we likely to have more of it, but we start to discover new possibilities. Beyond goal-oriented intercourse is a new universe of exploration. Many of my clients end up having better sex lives simply from expanding their view of sex. They feel safer to imagine and explore a wider range of experiences, sexual styles, and erogenous zones. These ideas then enter into their conversations and eventually their experiences. Sex also gets better as we are willing to embrace the honesty and vulnerability of our humanity. When we are not trying to prove ourselves to be right or good enough in our sex lives, we are more available to each other. Masks and facades fall away, and we can be truly intimate. Honest intimacy keeps sex connected and evolving, allowing us to love and be loved by our partners in profound ways. My clients ask incredulously:

• I can enjoy sex without orgasm?

• I can have sex without an erection?

• My whole body can orgasm, not just my genitals?

• Sex can be energetic, not just physical?

• Eye gazing and breathing together can be as pleasurable as genital contact?

• I can release stuck energy and trauma through sex?

The answer to all of these is yes! The new definition of sex I propose has a foundation of exploration. Rather than striving for a climax, we can let go of the goal and focus on the experience. Curiosity becomes the guide. Honest sex is about waking up our senses and hearts. We become more mindful and aware, and we can take delight in one’s own and others’ bodies, hearts, and spirits. Beyond a rote definition of how body parts engage (i.e., Webster’s definition of moving genitalia in rhythmic movements), sex is a way to explore pleasure and connection through as much of ourselves as possible. Honest sex is a curious exploration of pleasure and intimacy without an agenda or goal orientation.

HONEST SEX IN ACTION

A client told me about a sexual experience with her partner during which they never took their clothes off. They allowed their bodies to connect and move with the flow of the moment. It was as if they were not moving themselves, but they were being moved, she said. As they breathed together it turned into a kind of dance, even as they were lying down. She felt the energy of a snake in her body, and her movements were slippery and fluid. He felt the energy of a panther in his body and moved with strength and agility. They let go of self-consciousness and allowed their bodies to move together in a spontaneous rhythm. There was no genital climax, but the heightened energy of the whole experience was primal and passionate. After it wound down, they remained elevated. They felt more openness and love in their hearts for days after. This is one possibility of what happens as we let go of our limited maps of sex. Setting aside self-consciousness allows loving, primal, and expanded energies to flow through us.

There is no way to know what will happen, but the willingness to engage in the unknown is often thrilling and new. Our bonds deepen with our partners because we expand from mental knowledge about each other—ideas, history, values— to visceral experiences of each other—in our body, heart, and soul. Finding words to describe this is challenging, but when we are more present and aware—letting go of shoulds and expectations—we can experience a depth of love and excitement that bonds us deeply.

Sex cannot be done wrong, as long as we feel good about it. And I dare say that no matter what we have experienced, more is possible. Every moment is unique, and we are always evolving, which means new and different experiences can always happen. Having practiced yoga for twenty-five years, I continue to open up to more possibilities for my body, breath, and awareness in each class. I have racked up more hours doing yoga than having sex, and for this reason alone, I see that we never reach the end of what is possible. There are many more reasons why this is true as well. As we continue to discover ourselves and our partners, we find that each moment is full of different flavors of connection and pleasure.

The post Honestly Sexy appeared first on The Gottman Institute.

Shana James, MA, CPQC

Shana James, MA, CPQC

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Never Been In A Relationship? From Solo To Soulmate In 13 Steps

Never Been In A Relationship? From Solo To Soulmate In 13 Steps

Have you never been in a relationship but are just as keen to find your soulmate as anybody else is? Your teens, twenties, and maybe even thirties have flown by. And for one reason or another, a serious relationship has never happened for you.

Is it normal to have never been in a relationship?

Yes! You’d be surprised how many others there are just like you. So let go of any weirdness or stigma you’re holding onto around this.

And anyway, we’re all doing everything later in life these days. Recent stats have shown that romantic relationships are forming slower for young people than they did in previous decades. The median age to get married in 1990 was estimated to be 26 for men and just under 24 for women. Fast forward to 2022, and it was 30 for men and 28 for women.

So while it’s nice that your parents met each other at 16 and got married three years later, and have been together forever, your love story might not look like that. And that’s okay.

But, if you do want to find love, there are some things you can do to help yourself speed up your timeline, which I’ll explore in this post.

Why have I never been in a relationship?

Maybe your work has led to you constantly traveling and moving countries every few years. Maybe you just haven’t met anyone who’s a good match for you and the life you want to live. Or maybe you suffer from attachment issues and an inability to commit.

There are so many reasons why you might never have been in a relationship. Here are some of the common ones:

  • You have been uber-focused on building your career
  • You were/are in the military service
  • You have been traveling a lot
  • Bad examples of relationships (from parents or friends) have put you off relationships altogether
  • You’re insecure or have low self-esteem
  • You have unreasonably high expectations and are looking for perfection (which doesn’t exist)
  • You don’t believe you deserve love
  • You’re waiting for a fairytale romance
  • You never meet anyone you’re remotely excited about
  • You worry you don’t have the time or energy to devote to a relationship
  • You have a fear of intimacy
  • You have an avoidant attachment style
  • You fear rejection
  • You’re very independent and used to your life as it is and aren’t sure whether you want to meddle with that now

Take some time to think about which of these resonate with you. Knowing the why is important because it will pinpoint what you need to work on to get to a place where you’re more open and willing to welcome someone into your life.

13 Tips for those who have never been in a relationship and want to find love

1. Remember that you are not a unicorn

Did you know the hashtag #neverhadaboyfriend has over 25 million views on TikTok? So if you’ve never been in a relationship, I want you to remember that you are not alone. In fact, you’re in great company!

It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It doesn’t mean you’re going to die alone with cats. It doesn’t mean you’re behind in life. After all, it’s better to be on your own and single than in the wrong relationship.

Avoid comparing yourself with friends or anyone else. You are right where you’re meant to be.

2. Let your age go

Not too long ago, if you were a woman who hadn’t married by age 20, you were considered a spinster who would never find anyone and be “left on the shelf.” There are still cultures that perpetuate this BS. Maybe even your mom or grandma makes you feel this way, which isn’t nice to hear and can convince you that there is something wrong with you (there’s not).

Women have the added pressure of biology working against them if they want to have kids. But medicine has increased this window, and many options are available if you’re single in your thirties and want to plan for the future.

Age is just a number. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re behind or running out of time. They need to mind their own business and focus on their own lives.

Don’t put even more pressure on yourself to find your soulmate because it will ruin the dating process for you, and finding the one is meant to be fun!

 

3. Look for love for the right reasons

Look around you, and you’ll find a lot of unhappy people in terrible relationships and even marriages.

Why? Because they fear being alone, they’re stuck in a rut, and they fear the stigma of being single again or getting divorced.

And those are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

So if you’ve never been in a relationship but want to meet someone, make sure you do it for the right reasons. Like, you want to build a life with someone. Looking for someone to make you happy won’t work – you must make yourself happy.

4. Figure out what’s holding you back

Aside from the reasons I listed earlier, is something else holding you back from love? Are you self-sabotaging? Are you walking around closed off to the possibility of meeting someone and opening your heart to them? Maybe you experienced some childhood trauma that still needs healing, for example, being bullied at school and still feeling unattractive or insecure today because of that experience.

You can only show up in a relationship if you have worked through all this baggage first. If you need help, I recommend working with a licensed therapist.

Or you may love being single. You love living on your own, having your house organized the way you want it, not worrying about compromising or sharing and having the freedom to live entirely on your terms. But part of you feels socially pressured to be in a relationship, or maybe you’re on the fence and unsure whether it’s something you want.

In this case, my advice would be to give dating a go so that you know for sure either way.

5. Own who you are

If you’re a shy introvert, great. If you’re obsessed with llamas, great. Learn to love who you are and own it! This is a big part of Little Love Step #1 of my 7 Little Love Steps.

Do this, and you’ll attract the right person into your life who likes you for you instead of someone you’re trying to be to win them over.

6. Get comfortable with rejection

One of the biggest blocks to dating and finding love is our fear of rejection. But the thing is, you can’t avoid it. Initiating conversations with strangers, asking people out, and going on dates inevitably means that you will be rejected at some point. And yes, this can hurt, but what if you changed how you view rejection? What if you saw it as a confirmation that you put yourself out there and are a step closer to your soulmate?

Remember that rejection might sting in the moment (and a little while after), but it will fade into nothing over time. So when you get rejected, pick yourself back up and move on to the next conversation or date. This momentum will leave you with no time to dwell on things that didn’t go your way.

7. Prepare to be vulnerable

This ties into the previous point – if you’ve never been in a relationship, it could be because you haven’t let yourself be vulnerable or gotten out of your comfort zone. Dating requires us to do it.

You have to be willing to entertain a conversation with someone you don’t know in Whole Foods, or download a dating app and write your bio even if it feels corny, and show up on a first date not knowing how it’s going to go or whether the person will even show up.

And dating is just the beginning. Being in a relationship with anyone and growing that connection and intimacy requires you to be open and vulnerable. So if you are someone who has always had their guard up out of fear of being hurt, make a conscious effort to let it down a little.

That doesn’t mean you trust a stranger who hasn’t given you any reason to trust them, but it does mean you embrace a bit of discomfort. For example, you could attend a speed dating event, join an online dating site and send someone a message, or strike up a conversation with that cute guy you see in the park every morning when you’re walking your dog.

never been in a relationship

8. Work on building your confidence

If you think about what you’re attracted to, confidence is probably pretty high up there, and it is for most of us. Confidence is sexy. And when a person is quietly confident in who they are and how they look and doesn’t give a sh*t whether people like them or like the same things, that’s attractive.

If you know your self-confidence could do with a little boost, here’s a great tip. Next time you notice a negative or limiting thought enter your mind that is about you, rewrite it with something positive, and repeat that to yourself. It’s equally important to surround yourself with people who make you feel good and are positive and uplifting.

Right before you go on a date, do something to boost your confidence, whether it’s putting on a particular outfit, air-guitaring to your favorite song, or reminding yourself of all the reasons you’re awesome.

Remember to exercise daily and eat well because these two things greatly impact your mind and general day-to-day wellness.

never been in a relationship

9. Set boundaries and stick to them

One of the main reasons people end up in toxic relationships or get hurt is that they haven’t taken the time to establish clear boundaries or communicate these. Boundaries are essential, and we need them in every type of relationship: in families, work settings, and when dating.

Think about what your hard boundaries are. What are you not willing to negotiate on? What are your deal-breakers? What are you comfortable with regarding dating, sex, and relationships, and what are you not comfortable with?

Once you are clear on your boundaries, stick to them. It’s better to have never been in a relationship than to be in a relationship where your boundaries are crossed and disrespected.

10. Go out of your way to meet more people

If you have never been in a relationship but are ready to attract love, it’s time to put yourself out there more. The more you go out and socialize, the more people you will meet. The more people you meet, the more likely you are to meet someone you’re attracted to and have a strong connection with.

But as we get older, invites and opportunities to meet people naturally decrease, especially as your friends couple off, settle down, and start their own families. So if you want to make sure you’re still meeting lots of people, you’ve got to expand your social life and start spending more time with other single people.

Try a new hobby, join a class or a club, volunteer, explore your passions and interests and say yes to all invites that come your way.

If you haven’t yet tried online dating, it’s time to pick a couple of platforms or apps that feel aligned and set your profile up. Set aside time to go into the app daily to browse matches and respond to messages. And remind your friends and family that you’re single and happy to be set up with anyone they think could be a potential match for you.

11. Remove the awkwardness from first dates

If you’ve never been in a relationship, you might be a serial dater or someone with very little experience dating. If it’s the latter, even the thought of going on a date with someone can fill you with fear. And if you are more shy or introverted, it can be difficult to generate a conversation with a stranger and overcome the awkwardness you feel.

When it comes to topics of conversation, in my Love Accelerator Program, I recommend the FORD approach. Family, Occupation, Recreation, and Dreams. Focus on these four topics, and you can’t go wrong.

Also, come prepared with an interesting story to share about your day. Try and focus on asking open-ended questions, which means they can’t be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.” And finally, be genuinely interested in the person you’re on a date with.

first date

12. Enjoy the dating process

When you’ve never been in a relationship, it can put much more pressure on the dating process. Especially if you are ready and open to meeting someone. So, to make sure you enjoy the dating process, focus on being present in the moment and enjoying the company of your date. Let go of any expectations or the outcome you want, and try and have fun!

The thing I’ve noticed about love is it almost always comes knocking when you least expect it. That doesn’t mean you can sit at home and retreat from society like a hermit crab. But it does mean that if you’re putting out signals to the Universe that you are ready to attract the man and relationship you desire and backing it up with action, it’s way more likely to happen.

confident woman in dress

13. Don’t give up hope

My final tip for anyone who has never been in a relationship and wants to find their soulmate is to stay hopeful. You might get ghosted or stood up. You might have a disastrous first date or a string of them. Or you might fall for someone who you think is great only to have them tell you that they aren’t feeling it. These are all a part of dating, and sometimes, you might question why you’re putting yourself through this. On those occasions, remind yourself that you are on a quest to meet your soulmate. Don’t let anything stand in your way, especially not you.

Conclusion

Never been in a relationship, but now you’re ready to meet the one? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below. Tell me one thing you will do today to move you a step closer to attracting lasting love.

The post Never Been In A Relationship? From Solo To Soulmate In 13 Steps appeared first on Love Strategies.

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How to Have a Respectful and Intimate Sexual Chat

scary-falling-in-love

HOW TO HAVE A RESPECTFUL AND INTIMATE SEXUAL CHAT

Sex communication is a vital aspect of a sex-related relationship, and it can have a huge impact on the standard of your intimate sexual chat relationships. It can help you to find out your spouse-to-be’s sex desires and needs, and it can be a way to explore what you want for yourself, as well.

Dealing with sex can be quite a great way to make intimacy in your romantic relationship, but you’ll want to keep your conversations respectful and open. It’s essential to avoid using crude or perhaps disrespectful words, and to respect your partner’s lovemaking fantasies and desires.

 

Taking your spouse-to-be’s cues is key to having a successful and intimate making love chat, thus pay attention to their impulses and body gestures when you talk regarding sex. This may include their particular breathing, the way they engage and the method they respond to your questions about sexual activity.

Listening carefully is usually a good idea, and it can be helpful to ask your spouse if discover anything they’re uncomfortable with or whenever https://www.vice.com/en/article/n7b9ag/best-remote-controlled-sex-toys-2021 they need to change virtually any parts of all their sex life that not necessarily working. You’ll be able to identify any pain items in their love-making experience, and you can work together to find ways to fix them.

You can even get a feel for the partner’s personal preferences in sex simply by listening to their particular body language as well as the sounds earning during their gender. Sometimes it can be quite complicated to tell whether someone is definitely experiencing enjoyment or pain, so it’s helpful to try and obtain a sense of what they’re feeling by simply paying close attention to the method they move.

In case your partner is having a great time then it may be tempting to want to jump right in and enjoy all this. However , this is often a dangerous focus, as it could imply you’re making the other person unpleasant. Instead, focus on a couple of aspects of the sex that you have been enjoying and let them recognize how you’d like to improve those facets of your sexual experience later on.

This may performed through sexting, and it’s sometimes better to do this on the phone within person. The downside is that you’ll need to find a non-public place where one can sex, and ensure you flip your cellphone to Do Not really Disturb function to ensure it not go off in the middle of your sex.

A good hint is to start with light naughty texts and little by little get more and more sensual. This can be a easy way to get a girl to respond on your text and you will probably be able to get her more comfortable with the idea of you sending nudes over the course of the conversing.

When get her on board, it’s a good idea to inquire her what her treasured sex situation can be. This will help one to understand in cases where she’s looking forward to some popular sex or if you should press for a meetup smoking fetish sites rather.

The post How to Have a Respectful and Intimate Sexual Chat appeared first on Relationship Development and Transformation.

ASHISH JANIANI
ABOUT THE AUTHOR  

Ashish Janiani is a 26+ country PRISM certified transformational coach, soft skills expert, and sales leader with 14+ years of experience in management training, consulting and business expansion

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How to Stop Missing Your Ex & Embrace New Beginnings

How to Stop Missing Your Ex & Embrace New Beginnings

It’s easy to tell someone to quit moping around and move on after a breakup, but everything is heaps harder when it’s you going through it. So, if you’ve just broken up and you’re wondering how to stop missing your ex, the wound still runs deep, you convince yourself you’ll never find happiness or love again, and even getting out of bed in the morning feels like a mission.

You’d love nothing more than to stop missing him, but it’s not as easy as clicking your fingers and erasing months, years, or even decades worth of memories. You’ve lost your best friend, he’s not coming back, and that absence can be crippling.

So, if you’ve just broken up and you’re wondering how to stop missing your ex, I won’t sugarcoat it and tell you that everything will magically be better after reading this article. But here are some tips that will help you move on in time, regain control of your life, and find your way to happiness and love again.

How to stop missing your ex in 15 steps

1. Resist the urge to contact him

Number one on the list of things to stop missing your ex is to cut all contact with him. In the short term, it might make you feel better messaging him, hearing his voice on the phone, or even having breakup sex. The natural thing to do when you miss someone is to reach out. But in the long run? You’re keeping him in your mind and heart and making it even harder to stop missing him.

If you have been in touch since the breakup, it’s unfair to ghost him. So reach out one last time and explain that you’re going to end contact, why you need to, and why this will be better for both of you. This doesn’t have to be permanent. Once you have both moved on, there is a possibility you can go back to being in each other’s lives or even remain friends. But right now, the best thing you can do for yourself is to end contact with him. And yes, that also means no more hearts or fire emojis on Instagram.

2. Allow yourself to feel all your emotions

Yes, you should try and remain strong during and in the aftermath of a breakup. But “being strong” does not mean pretending not to feel grief, pain, or loneliness. Being able to confront these emotions requires courage. If you ignore or repress your feelings and tell yourself you’re okay, those emotions will only fester and grow. You can’t run from how you feel; the only way to overcome emotions is to move through them.

So embrace all your feelings, whether anger, grief, heartache, sadness, loneliness, loss or something else. When you do, you’ll feel a release. Journaling can help a lot. A study of 73 people found that journaling for 20 minutes each day about the breakup helped participants feel less resentment and guilt and care less about their ex.

how to stop missing your ex

3. Join a community

Here’s how to stop missing your ex: join our Love Accelerator community. It’s a strong online community of women where you can connect with and feel supported by powerful, like-minded women who have been through similar experiences.

Even before you’re ready to start dating again, being surrounded by empowered women will help you see that this breakup is not the end; it’s just the end of one chapter and the beginning of a beautiful new one.

4. Reflect why you’re missing your ex

Okay, so you miss him. But why?

Was it how he made you feel less alone when you went to sleep at night?

Was it the thoughtful things he used to do for you, like bring you a cup of coffee every morning just the way you like it?

Or was it the attention and validation he gave you?

When you get clear on what you actually miss, you might find that it’s not him you miss at all.

Even if you were in a toxic or abusive relationship, it could still be normal to think you miss that person when they’re gone. But of course, you don’t miss him. Why would you miss someone treating you so badly or a relationship that wasn’t working? It’s likely what you miss is having someone there and the habit of the relationship.

If you do miss your ex, you will feel it.

5. Consider working with a therapist

If feeling your emotions and journaling on them isn’t getting you anywhere, and you’re struggling, it might be time to enlist professional help.

Honestly, even if you’re not going through a breakup, therapy can be enlightening and help you work through some childhood trauma or baggage you didn’t even know was lurking in your subconscious. We should all go to therapy.

Working with a licensed therapist you feel comfortable with and sharing your feelings without fear of bias or judgment can be a brilliant way to process your emotions. A therapist can also offer more insight and clarity on why you feel the way you do, the cause of the breakdown of the relationship, and help you heal some old wounds and toxic patterns that are holding you back from the right man and relationship.

Talking to your best friends about the breakup is great, but how can you be sure they’re not telling you what you want to hear, like, “sure Jenna, it’s totally fine to drunk text him at 1 AM and indulge in a bit of healthy breakup sex, I always do that…”

When in doubt, go to therapy.

woman in therapy

6. Think about why things didn’t work out

When two people break up, it’s because something happened that meant you couldn’t work things out and see a future together. When you feel sad and lonely, it’s easy to look back through rose-tinted glasses and rewrite the story of your relationship. But to stop missing your ex, you need to focus on what drove you apart. There must have been some bad, irreparable things; otherwise, you’d still be together, right?

Sure, a small percentage of people break up, make up, and live happily ever after. But that’s a minority of people. So instead of feeling sorry for yourself and focusing on the John-shaped hole in your life, focus on why it didn’t work out, why he’s not right for you.

It’s equally important to learn from your past relationship to avoid repeating the same mistakes in your next one. This is what life is all about. And as long as you do learn and grow, there’s nothing to regret or feel down about.

7. Focus on the positives of ending the relationship

Toward the end of your relationship, were you constantly fighting and having more bad days than good ones? Were you on totally different pages about what you wanted and what was important? Did the trust or love erode over time? Was he holding you back from your career goals or making you feel bad for being ambitious and pursuing your dreams?

Next time you find yourself missing your ex, focus on everything that wasn’t working. Remind yourself of the positives of the breakup and being out of that relationship. This is your chance to start over, build a better relationship than the last one, and align it with the life you want to live.

It’s easy to dwell on the negatives, but when you’re in a funk, do your best to find something positive about this situation and focus on it until that gray cloud dissolves.

8. Get rid of anything that reminds you of him

How will you stop missing your ex when he’s sitting in all your photo frames around the house, staring back at you while you devour that chicken pot pie at dinner?

There’s no time like now to get rid of any loud reminders of your ex, whether it’s a screensaver on your phone, a password that reminds you of him, photos on the wall, a piece of jewelry, or any other mementos of your relationship.

I’m not a heartless b*stard, so I won’t tell you to light a bonfire and burn all that sh*t up. That’s optional. But I will ask you to decide what is too sentimental to throw away, put it all in a box, and put that box in your basement or into storage where you won’t see it for a long time. You’ll stumble on it five or ten years from now, and it’ll be a cute blast from the past. But right now, the wound is too fresh, so all that sh*t needs to go.

how to stop missing your ex

9. Give yourself time

I know you’re probably sick of people telling you “time heals all wounds” at this point, but as cliché as it sounds, it’s true. There isn’t much that time doesn’t heal. And while you might struggle to believe that things will get better, I promise you they will.

Although we can feel distressed for a long time after a breakup, it will get easier in time, and we have seen this to be true with all our clients. So even if it feels like you miss your ex more than ever, trust that you have to go through this darkness before you get to the light.

I can’t give you a timeline for when you’ll have moved on because all relationships and all people are different. Take things one day at a time, focus on getting through them, and make today a good day in whatever small ways you can.

10. Add structure to your life

Yes, there are times to binge-watch Netflix and do too many tequila shots with your girlfriends. But while these may be tried and tested activities that keep your mind off your ex and make you feel good in the moment, they aren’t positively contributing to your growth. You need to fill your days with things that feel good in the moment that your future self will thank you for – like trying out a new yogalates class, volunteering at your local homeless shelter, or doing a meal plan and grocery shop for the week ahead.

Think about your week in chunks of time. A week is 168 hours. Unless you’re retired, you probably spend a lot of time at work (about 40) and another large chunk sleeping (about 50 hours). That leaves you with 70 hours each week. If you have kids to take care of, even less. And if you’re not intentional about planning out those hours each week, they will run away from you (on things like watching sad rom-coms, gorging on chocolate, and missing your ex), and you won’t have much to show for it.

Think about how you want to use this time, and start allocating it each week to things that add value to your life.

11. Channel your energy into things you love

Here’s how to finally stop missing your ex – every time you start missing him, put a timer on, and start adding up all the time you’re wasting on this guy who:

a. You broke up with

b. Who broke up with you

Whether it was scenario a or b doesn’t matter. What matters is you are not together anymore, and it’s time to move on. Redirect all this energy into things that bring you joy and make you feel good. You can only do something you love for so long with a frown before something kicks in and you realize you’re actually happy.

It’s time to focus all your energy on things that lift you up, inspire you, and help you rediscover who you are. Maybe you want to get stuck into a big project at work and go after a promotion. Maybe you want to embark on a spontaneous trip to Italy for a month or attend a meditation retreat in Costa Rica. You may want to return to school, start a business, or give kickboxing a whirl.

Before you know it, you’ll be like, “Matthew, who?”

single woman traveling

12. Practice self-care

All that BS about getting a “revenge body” is exactly that: bullsh*t. Don’t do anything with your ex in mind because that shows you’re still missing him and not moving on. The idea that a woman is working out, eating well, and taking care of herself simply to show her ex what he’s missing is garbage. Maybe she’s working out because it makes her feel healthy and strong. Maybe she’s eating well because it gives her so much more energy. Maybe she’s taking care of herself because she finally realized she deserves more than that as*hole and is prioritizing herself.

Exercise will calm anxiety and stress and give you a great outlet for any rage you still hold onto. Eating well is a way to show yourself love and will provide you with the right fuel to do all the amazing things you want to do. Taking care of yourself is a way to offer yourself kindness and grace, which is more important than ever after a breakup when you’re feeling extra vulnerable.

And if you just so happen to look like a straight-up ten outta ten next time your ex walks past, and he’s wondering why the heck he ever let you slip through his fingers, that’s just a bonus.

13. Focus on self-improvement

Another way to stop missing your ex and move forward is to focus on self-improvement. That’s not an invitation to slip into a comparison trap with friends or influencers on Instagram. The only person you should ever be competing against is yourself.

What can you do to be one percent better than yesterday’s you?

Whether it’s taking an online course, learning how to change a tire, reading a book that helps you learn something new, re-organizing your desk or closet, trying out a new recipe, or using a piece of equipment in the gym that you always avoid. Improving yourself in small ways = growth, and it’s one of the best ways to spend your time and forget about your ex.

14. Spend time with those who love you

One of the best things you can do for yourself when you miss your ex after a breakup is to surround yourself with people who care about you, support you, and love you. You might think you want to be left alone to wallow in self-pity, and some time alone will be beneficial to process your feelings, but don’t spend too much time on your own. Your friends and family will be there to pick you back up, dry your tears, and make you laugh. So don’t be afraid to reach out when you need to.

how to stop missing your ex and move on

15. Start dating again

The danger of dating too soon after a breakup is that you will rebound hard or have meaningless casual sex. And in the moment, these things might feel great and stop you from missing your ex. But in the long run, they won’t help heal your heart.

The challenging part is knowing when you are ready to date again while also knowing that a part of you will probably never feel ready. So give yourself up to six months to process and heal, and then push yourself to get back out there and start dating again. Even if you don’t meet anyone you’re romantically interested in, meeting new people and having new experiences is important and will help you move on. There are so many people in the world, and the more you meet, the more you’ll realize that losing one guy is not the end of the world.

Conclusion

Are you going through a breakup and wondering how to stop missing your ex? Have you tried any of the tips on this list? What’s working for you, and what’s not working? Do you have any tips that have helped you move forward that aren’t on the list?

Share your story with us in the comments below!

The post How to Stop Missing Your Ex & Embrace New Beginnings appeared first on Love Strategies.

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My 7 Easy Strategies to Make a First Date Less Awkward

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My 7 Easy Strategies to Make a First Date Less Awkward

It’s no secret that first dates can be freaking awkward.

I once saw a man go to shake a woman’s hand when she was reaching over the table to grab some bread.

#awkward

But what if I told you that first dates don’t have to be that awkward and can actually be fun?

A few years ago I was working as a dating coach on a reality TV show helping Kate Gosselin attract love. And what this experience confirmed for me was that when you have the right strategy and tools in your dating toolkit, you can go from being super nervous on a first date to feeling pretty good about the whole thing.

So, here are my 7 easy strategies to remove the awkwardness from a first date and have fun.

  1. Be prepared

Fail to prepare, then prepare to fail. Be prepared before a first date and set yourself up for success.

Plan out some topics of conversation so that there are no awkward silences.

I like the FORD approach for first-date appropriate topics.

F= family

O = occupation

R = recreation

D = dreams

And have an interesting story in your back pocket about your day. Little things like this will make you much more engaging and help you connect with a guy.

  1. Good conversation is less about what you say and more about what you ask

I used to put so much pressure on myself to do all the talking on a first date. But when I shifted that focus to how I can ask people interesting questions and get them talking, dates felt much easier and breezier.

One time, I went on a date with a woman and asked her a ton of questions. By the end of the date, she thought I was so interesting, but the truth was, she didn’t know anything about me because she hadn’t asked me anything!

But asking her all those questions got her talking and helped her feel connected to me. You want to aim for the right balance where you’re taking turns to ask and field questions.

Whenever appropriate, ask an open-ended question that can’t be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.” This helps the conversation flow and enables you to build a connection.

  1. Be authentic

Yes, you should put your best self forward on a date, and of course, you want to make a good impression. But at the same time, don’t pretend to be someone you’re not just to impress a guy.

When you do this, it will usually feel awkward, and he will pick up on it. Plus, there’s only so long you can wear a mask before he sees the real you.

I once went on a date with a woman, and she mentioned her ex was an adrenaline junkie and that she wasn’t into any of that. If you know me, you’ll know I am also a huge adrenaline junkie (motorbiking, kite-surfing, you name it).

In that moment, I could have downplayed it to stay on the same page as her, but I chose to be authentic and own that I love that stuff.

Needless to say, we didn’t go out again, and that’s okay.

  1. Be present

Another strategy to make a first date less awkward is to try and stay in the moment with him.

Resist the urge to dwell on your past dating track record or get caught up in a daydream about the future. When you do that, you take yourself away from the present, which blocks you from building a connection.

Make a conscious effort to stay in the moment, and you will feel more relaxed and engaged in the conversation (this is part of Little Love Step #4).

  1. If something awkward happens, own it

A first date is two strangers meeting and hanging out for the first time, so sometimes this will be awkward, and there’s nothing you can do about it apart from owning it!

So if you spill your red wine all over the table (or his crisp white shirt), or you end up snorting while laughing at one of his jokes, own it.

You might think you’re going to die from embarrassment, but I promise it’s not as bad as you think it is, and if you can laugh about it, guys will find that endearing.

Plus, it’s a great way to break that first-date tension!

  1. Remember that he’s probably nervous as well

According to a 2019 survey, 47% of the population consider themselves shy. That means almost 50% of people will feel nervous on a date.

And I think there’s extra pressure on guys to “perform” on a date.

So if the man you’re on a date with is a little quiet or withdrawn at first, be nice about it. Don’t get frustrated with him. See it as a challenge to get him to open up and start talking.

If you’re ever unsure about a guy after the first date, always give him a second chance.

  1. Just have fun

My final strategy to make a first date less awkward is just to relax and have fun!

It’s easy to make dating this super serious thing when you’re serious about finding love. But don’t bring that serious energy into your date.

Enjoy yourself, laugh, flirt, and focus on having a good time and a new experience.

What is the most awkward thing that has ever happened to you on a first date? Tell me about it in the comments below!

The post My 7 Easy Strategies to Make a First Date Less Awkward appeared first on Love Strategies.

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